The Republican clown car full of damaged, twisted and vicious freaks all clamouring for a job none of them deserve or are remotely competent to perform continues.

Billionaire Romney, a wooden, wind-up caricature of a human being that will say any damn thing it thinks will please whomever it can see, is trying to appear a “Real American” who has walked the streets and feared losing his job. With $20 million stashed in his retirement account and offshore investments in Luxemburg, the Cayman Islands and Swiss bank accounts, it’s not an easy sell. The man’s total inability to deliver a single line with anything approaching sincerity (read: There goes Mitt lying his ass off again; if he says his fucking NAME I want to check his ID!) only makes the sham more laughable.
Newt Gingrich, who everyone hates immediately because it saves time; thrice married scumbag who leaves wives the moment they get sick (or he deems them sufficiently ugly to hinder his Machiavellian grasp at the oval office) has promised America a manned moon base after two terms. Not content to ignore the fact that he stands a snowball’s chance in hell of ever pulling together an electoral victory, or outrunning the laundry list of shitty, unethical, back-stabbing, hateful things he’s racked up in his political career, and thus unable to run on what shamefully passes for his record, Newt has gone full bore into fantasy land: A MOON BASE, complete by the end of his SECOND term.

Ron Paul, a senile acolyte of Ayn Rand, continues to hang in there yammering his unworkable nonsense to the delight of stupid, juvenile libertarian fan boys, while Rick Santorum persists in injecting his brand of frothy faith in Jesus as the absolute panacea for all that ails the new American century. Neither are getting anywhere near the convention or the white house or even a cabinet post.

And after 435,767 debates where are we? The establishment Republicans seem to have resigned themselves to Romney, who no one ever wanted but, according to the sages of the GOP, stands the best chance in the general election…and Gingrich who everyone hates and that’s fine because Newt hates them back with double intensity.

Even that stalwart political cocktease Sarah Palin can’t resist jamming her three cents worth of muddled imbecility into the mix. Blathering in her own inimitable style on Fox News, Sarah objected to an article by Peggy Noonan:

“They maybe subscribe such characterization of Newt via words like that, but they don’t subscribe those to say Mitt Romney when he or his surrogates do the same thing,” she said. “That’s that typical hypocrisy stuff in the media that I’ve lived with over a couple of decades in the political arena. So I’m used to it. But in order to help educate the rest of the American public, I’ll articulate that it is hypocritical of the media to subscribe to one candidate and not another, that kind of ‘angry attack muffin’ verbiage to one and not the other.”

See, in Sarah’s stunned conception of how things ought to work, if the media is going to call out one candidate for being a petulant dick, they must then call out the others for…something. It would be unfair to report the nature, content and tone of a vicious, unhinged hate bomb like Newt Gingrich unless they also go after Mitt.
Of course, having been exposed as an illiterate, unread, poorly educated, completely ignorant buffoon, Sarah tends to view the media with some suspicion. After all, how dare they tell the truth? In the Palinverse, anyone who doesn’t kiss her ass and agree that she’s right is a commie fifth columnist out to destroy America and hate on Jesus. Stupidity of this unqualified degree should be in the race.

The GOP grew tired long ago of the media telling the truth. They set up their own media wing – Fox News – which incessantly and unrelentingly attacks everything the president attempts as un-American; the work of a secret Muslim socialist intent on destroying their imaginary way of life. Any media presence that actually does its job by reporting the truth (or, god forbid, challenging the litany of outright lies spewed by Republicans) is simply distorting the record because they’re obviously in the bag for the left. For an audience of three million equally ignorant, deeply brainwashed, reflexively racist voters, these assumptions are never questioned. Fair and balanced has come to mean something else entirely.

Aside from the amusement this show offers, fettered only by the fear that one of these backward idiots might actually become president, what is one to make of it all? The conclusion that America is in terminal decline; that the principles upon which it was founded ( despite what the prevaricating Republican candidates wrongly assert were those principles) have been ground into the dust, seems inescapable.
When half the population is blinded by lies and seeks a leader from a pack of angry fools, each vying to tell yet bigger lies plucked from the utter fantasy in which their presidential aspirations slowly drown; when that band of blithering buttplugs is more deeply devoted to hindering and defeating their political opponent than committed to enacting policies that will actually serve the people, one can no longer pretend optimism.

Moon Base Alpha, out.


8 Responses

  1. After three decades as a registered voter I didn’t think it possible to be
    as disgusted as I am about these GOP turds in the tub. Every time you think you’re safe, the current brings their bullshit repulsively closer.

    Of course, these assholes don’t keep me awake at night, but I know a
    few republicans who are thoroughly depressed. Two will not vote in
    the election unless it gets brokered and three are voting for Obama
    no matter what.

    ( I’m actually more surprised that some republicans will sit out the election than I am at actually knowing five republicans.)

    • If i knew 5 Republicans, I would’ve either killed them, or myself, by now. I just can’t tolerate the idiocy required.

      • The three who are voting for Obama are socially liberal. (I know, old school.) The other two are scaredy assed all around and I wouldn’t mind locking them in a closet with their bibles and fear based beliefs until the election is over. But I’m pretty sure they are tuned into others
        like themselves—like the Borg and they’d be rescued and I’d be kidnapped and made to become an evangelical Christian.

  2. Excellent work, Cousinavi. Almost divinely Inspired, if I don’t say so myself. Keep it up.

    You’re absolutely right about how this insanity is entertaining yet, at the same time, how absolutely frightening it is. That’s something we HAVE to remind ourselves of on a continual basis. Watching these clowns pop out of their tiny car, quote Pokeymon and burst into songs like, “Imagine there’s no pizza” is a lot of fun and helps numbs the pain and disappointment of having a Democratic President who’s been a lame duck for 2 years, but was completely mediocre (at best) back when he was still relevant.

    Thanks to a paralyzed congress and an election process that lasts almost 2 years, Obama has been rendered invisible, a non-person. He is now (as Bill Maher described on Friday) a mythical person. He’s a bogeyman who you can project whatever evil you want to on as you repeat your Grimm Brothers’ fables to yourselves inside the impenetrable conservative media bubble. Unfortunately nothing penetrates this bubble, but what’s in that bubble seeps out and infects the general population.

    As a result of all this, the truly terrifying part is that a completely mediocre President has a VERY good chance of losing to the nominee of a party that has all but morphed into a pack of batshit crazy lunatics driven by hated and fuelled by delusions. More terrifying is that the crazies aren’t just being used by the leadership to win anymore, the inmates are perilously close to taking over the asylum. At the very least, their success has “normalized” their insanity.

    The following all had a very legitimate chance at being the nominee and, more disturbingly, were treated seriously by the media.

    Rick Perry couldn’t remember the 3 agencies he’d put to death on the 1st day of his reign, despite help from Romney and Paul. And he’s the MOST “legit” on the Dead List. Never mind Michelle Bachmann’s complete inadequacy for the position in every way. She’s a gay hating woman married to a gay man who trains other men not to be gay. Nuff said. Herman Cain is a part vaudeville, part black-face clown and part motivational speaker who “lives in van down by the river”, as Chris Farley used to say.

    And those still alive include:

    Rick Santorum who really IS a frothy mix of feces and anal lube. Commander Frothy thinks about gay sex so much, you’d swear in treatment for gay sex addiction. Just go home and jerk off to gay porn already. Get it out of your system so we don’t have to hear about it anymore.

    Ron Paul is everybody’s favourite crazy grandpa. Like a wise old man, he occasionally says something brilliant. Then you turn around and he starts picking things off the floor, having conversations with them and then swallows them. More disturbing are his grandchildren followers who treat both tendencies as equally admirable because they can’t tell the difference and don’t have senility as an excuse.

    Newt Gingrinch He already has more than enough political and personal baggage to sink anyone involved a serious race. But on top of that, he’s a megalomaniac asshole who doesn’t even PRETEND that he will care about the people who he expects to vote for him. The hilarity of the moonbase idea hides the reality behind it. That moonbase will be AMERICAN property, part of it’s eternally perfect empire, one destined by God to rule the universe. He will become President because he most represents the eternal perfection that is America. He’s so convinced of his greatness, he’s already thinking about running for a 3rd term.

    Newt in charge of anything is terrifying. The fact there is just a 30% chance of this actually happening should be enough to keep us all up at night. Soviet missiles were far less of a reason to lose sleep.

    Romney Romney is the “best” candidate they have and yet he’s the personification of all that is wrong with American politics. He is more than a religious quack. He is more than a used car salesman who will do whatever it takes to make that sale. He is even more than an incredibly wealthy vulture capitalist who makes more money in year without DOING ANYTHING than 90% of families will see in an entire lifetime of actual work. But that’s not enough. He has to corrupt the system to get more. He has lobbied so that the leisure class can get even more money for less work. Worse yet, he now wants to run the country and corrupt it from within.

    And I give him a 55% chance of doing it. I actually expected it was going to be harder for him to win the nomination than the Presidency itself, that it was going to be him and Newt in a showdown. But the reason he couldn’t leave the Clown Car candidates in the dust is what’s important. It’s purely because he isn’t batshit crazy enough for the clear majority of Republicans.

    And that’s the bottom line, here. The most dominant party of America’s last 30 years is completely insane and is more than just bad policy, it’s a toxic presence. But America is so saturated in insanity, it can no longer tell and/or just doesn’t care.

    Sorry, Cousinavi, but that’s been stacking up on my desk during your absence.

  3. I live in fucking Indiana. Regardless of who the Rethug nominee is, he’ll get every vote in the state except for mine and my wife’s. And ours will be “lost” by the electronic voting thingy.

    • I worked Indiana for the 2008 election of Obama. While I’ve always understood there were some areas of Indiana that I shouldn’t be caught in after dark, even I couldn’t imagine the idiocy I ran into canvassing for the president. Whiting can be downright dangerous to folks of color, and I know there are areas much worse. I’ve never seen so many mean looks and big dogs in my life.

      I had a co-worker who took his little blond daughter over there to canvass and she wore a “Yo mama for Obama” button. He said the attitude folks sent his way (as if he were abusing the kid) were hilarious and worth the mean looks.

    • And are the people of The Middle happy with the results?

      I’ve always wondered about how happy Red Staters are with being in a permanent Red State. Do they complain about their representation and then vote for them just because that’s what they’ve always done? Although, in this day & age, I expect they blame everything on “evil liberal cabals” that magically prevent Republican policies from working, even while they work exactly according to plan.

      I’ve spent a lot of time in Canada’s “Red State”, Alberta. It’s a fucking cult of mindless, grinning, simpletons who can’t even contemplate voting for another party, despite there being a bigger selection to choose from than in America.

  4. Not to mention the “fine point” difference between “ascribe” and “subscribe”, sigh.

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