Pretty Enough for America

The debate over where to draw the line between fair political commentary and contemptible, hateful sniping rages on. If a candidate’s actions reveal him to be a hypocritical scum bucket of stunning depth and breadth, that deserves attention. If that candidate’s wife has an ass the size of Manhattan, that’s probably off limits. But what to do when the two intersect?
What happens when the candidate’s actions smack head-on into the physical appearance of his wife?

Leonard H. “Kip” Carter, a former close Gingrich friend, backed the contention that it was Newt Gingrich who wanted the divorce.

“He (Gingrich) said, ‘You know and I know that she’s not young enough or pretty enough to be the wife of a president,’ ” Carter, who now lives in South Carolina, told CNN recently, relating the conversation he had with Gingrich the day Gingrich revealed he was filing for divorce. Carter served as treasurer of Gingrich’s first congressional campaigns.

Leaving aside that Newt apparently had early designs on the oval office, he has said on numerous occasions that it was his wife who wanted the divorce. The CNN story calls that claim into question, and raises rather uglier ones about the ethically challenged Gingrich. Leaving one’s children and divorcing one’s spouse because she’s not pretty enough for a campaign ad is the mark of a sociopath.

Gingrich himself placed his numerous marriages, divorces and affairs into the arena of character assessment by virtue of his many claims to have learned his lesson; to be a new man; to explain and/or mitigate the circumstances surrounding his apparent lack of respect for the bonds of holy matrimony. Recall, if you will, the assertion that it was his great patriotism that caused him to commit adultery. Country before faith, indeed.
Now, in addition to various of his claims being starkly contradicted by the court filings, comes word that he dumped his first wife because she wasn’t pretty enough.

And this raises another question: If Newt Gingrich has such a fine conception of what is not pretty enough, who does he think WOULD be pretty enough? Certainly he’s not saying wife #1 wasn’t pretty enough for him. She wasn’t pretty enough to be the First Lady – the wife of the president. She wasn’t pretty enough for America. And what is Newt’s idea of “Pretty Enough for America”?

Perhaps I ought to reiterate my contempt for those who attack a political candidate based on their physical appearance. Some people draw a sharp line between things one can do something about and things one cannot – Chris Christie could lose a few pounds, Barack Obama can’t be less black – but I don’t. Slagging someone because they can’t see their toes is as reprehensible as racism. But if you ditch your wife for not being slim enough and then marry Queen Latifah, don’t get pissy with me because I point it out.

And to hell with Newt’s character. The dark stain that remains of whatever passed for Newt Gingrich’s character is unworthy of attention. He’s a sneaky, lying, racist, Machiavellian reptile trying to weasel his way into the top spot among a class of yammering buffoons and everyone knows it. One more spot of guilty blood on Newt’s hands will pass unnoticed. Yes, to hell with Newt’s character.
This is a question of judgement. Pretty enough for America? Newt Gingrich is the sort of vacuous douche who would walk out of the Hermitage insisting it needs a velvet painting of dogs playing poker.

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16 Responses

  1. Man, it’s too fucking early in my day to have to see that picture.

    With the exception of Mitt The Romney and RonPaul, all of this year’s crop of Repellican presidential candidates are simply angling for exposure for bigger book/speech/tv-pundit deals later.

  2. Gingrich is like my 375 lb. neighbor who cuts his lawn in a “No Fat Chicks” t-shirt.

    WTF?! Newt has the judgment of a horny meth-head. And really, that photo of Callista
    scares the shit out of me EVERY time?

  3. Eleanor Roosevelt wasn’t exactly eye-candy, but that didn’t stop FDR from being elected four times and saving his nation. Besides, I’m creepy-looking, but I’ve saved the universe several times. The CIA won’t let me give the details, but you can trust me.

    • True. Eleanor wasn’t a beauty, but Franklin didn’t divorce her
      to go after a woman who looks like she came to kill Batman.

      Creepy looking super heroes are cool. I wanted to marry Wolverine
      when I was younger. . . . .

      What?

      • Sorry for a silly question, but I’m 57. Who or what is Wolverine? Is it from Michigan?

        • Wolverine is a mutant comic book character with retracting bone claws. He’s almost indestructible. He has a bad attitude (which I love).

        • Wolverines? I believe it was the nickname for the group of high school rebels that defeated the entire Russian army in that ultra-realistic Reagan era “classic” film, Red Dawn.

  4. First prototype from Stepford Industries. She looks nearly life like. Newt says he likes the robot bitch. Cousin, you have never been more on.

  5. He? You’re describing my wife.

  6. Not that I have anything against Callista, who is clearly medicated, I simply cannot help making the following comparison when I see her, and hope the image will contribute to scuttling Newt’s run.

    https://imgur.com/ZKlO4

  7. Nah, the dummy looks like hell. The mannequin looks pretty bad, too.

  8. Hey, don’t knock the Calista-bot. She is, by far, the most realistic sex-doll on the market.

    Not only can she do oral sex in a car, she can speak simple lines like “Yes, sir.”, “You are the smartest man in the world”, “You should be President”, “No, you don’t look fat in that.” and “Thank you for the ring, but I would do anal without it.” I hear she can even make documentaries, if you pay her enough in campaign funds.

    I’m considering buying one myself.

  9. They may seem cheap at first, but they cost an arm and a leg when you trade them in.

  10. I suspect Newt forces her to wear vibrating underwear, and rewards her by pressing the happy button whenever she has to endure long conversations with puffy, self important political lobbyists or campaign contributors.

  11. or else he has his finger up her ass

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