Happy New Year

As folks may be well aware, I hate the baby Jesus. I hate the bullshit story, and most of all I hate the hypocritical, condescending crap those who claim to walk with Christ get up to. Thus, and despite an abiding appreciation for all things Santa (and that mostly because it presents an opportunity to drag out, “You can’t prove a negative,” using a giant pile of murdered reindeer that seemingly don’t want to fly), there were no holiday wishes posted here. I have holiday wishes, but there’s no point in being nasty.
Still though, the completely arbitrary decision to flip the calendar on the 31st now looms. I will, as always, completely avoid the festivities. Why people want to get dressed up, suffer line-ups, crowds, inflated prices and drunken assholes to jam themselves into a restaurant or club where it’s so fucking crowded the bartenders can’t sell beer only to get jammed up later at a roadside sobriety checkpoint is beyond me. But at least it doesn’t come with an attached mythology involving celestial signals, virgin births and unmitigated blithering imbecility. And so, in the spirit of the times, happy new year.


11 Responses

  1. Ya damn heathen, you probably think Biggus Dickus was some made up character too.

  2. I have holiday wishes, but there’s no point in being nasty.

    Love it.

    May your fresh (Western) calendar page bring you pleasing things.

  3. I won’t drive after dinner on New Year’s Eve. As Ed McMahon said, it’s amateur hour. Every moron who normally doesn’t drink feels obliged to to go out, get sloshed on girlie cocktails with little umbrellas, and drive around. I like to sit and home, read a book, and listen to the sirens and the occasional smashed fender.

  4. Only Hendrix and the Who could properly smash Fenders.

  5. Happy Fucking Festivus then!
    You’ve already aired your grievances. Now who
    the hell are you going to wrestle?

    Or is Festivus over?

    • I, for one, plan to wrestle with Scarlett Johansson. But I shall do it before airing my grievances because, by the time I’m done that, she’ll be in her 80’s. She’ll probably still be pretty hot, but I don’t want to be the guy who broke her hip.

  6. Didn’t Marshal Dillon use to fuck Festivus? Or maybe they were just friends.

  7. I have holiday wishes, but there’s no point in being nasty.

    No point in being nasty? Wow, you are going soft!

    Nastiness is one of the few pleasures I have left in life.

    By the way, what does the first word in the title mean? Happy? Is that some obscure reference to a long-time Maple Leaf captain? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hap_Day

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