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Arctic Cougar

‘Scuse me while I find my schadenfreude face…

Sarah Palin is pitching a new reality show about her husband’s career as a snowmobile racer but, so it is claimed, the million dollar per episode price tag she’s demanding is too steep to spark interest.
Piffle, I say.
First, Palin’s last reality show, which featured Caribou Barbie pretending to hunt and hanging out with Kate Plus Eight, while setting audience records for its premiere, plummeted in the ratings like a skydiver without a parachute. People were almost immediately sickened by the vapid blather, contrived bullshit and phony populism of this gang of grifters from Wasilla.
Second, Sarah Palin absent the lingering question of will she or won’t she completely fuck up American electoral politics by inserting her particular brand of vacuous, brainless, uneducated, semi-literate stupidity is about as interesting as a lost sock.
Third, who the fuck wants to tune in weekly to watch a snowmobile race? A bunch of people standing around in parkas at the Start/Finish line with occasional shots of the machines zipping past some conveniently accessible spot to mount a camera? Every once in awhile on some sports channel, usually during an NFL strike or an NBA lockout, you can see what looks like snowmobile motocross races – jumps, bumps, sharp corners. The only thing that make me change the channel faster is a televangelist (which, it occurs, shares some overlap with the god walloping Sarah Palin).
But, of course, the best part of this story is that Sarah Palin, after months of teasing her slack-jawed tea party mouth-breathers and promising that she doesn’t need an office or a title to bring her awesome powers to bear on restoring America is now off flogging another Palin-based media spectacular. Working for America from the sidelines of a snowmobile based reality show. With special guest appearances by Michele Bachmann and Herman Cain (one can hope).
Poor Caribou Barbie. She thinks America isn’t fickle. She thinks America is still obsessed with her; will adore her always as it once did. She thinks she was something other than a circumstantial freak show; that she deserved the attention; that it was something other than rubber-necking at a traveling train wreck.
Soon, she’ll be conducting book signings of the remaindered copies of Going Rogue at the matinee show in Juno’s only strip club just so the peeler bar can put “TONIGHT SARAH PALIN” on the marquee. And, as with everything else connected with the Palin brand, it’ll be a disappointment for all involved whether she winds up on the pole or not.

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18 Responses

  1. Todd Palin is as interesting as watching paint dry. He’d bore the hell out of himself on a snow machine.

    Sarah Palin is a bewigged lunatic who fleeced all those poor fools with her PAC. And if she’d gotten any closer to the WH than she did John McCain probably would have bit it in office after a tragic moose hunting accident with some of Todd’s militia friends.

    I guess I’m saying—WTF and Why the fuck hasn’t this woman been marginalized to the dung heap of obscurity? She’s like a particularly virulent STD. You think you’ve gotten rid of her–then you get this burning sensation and you realize she’s back again.

    • Because that’s the kind of mental illness that fuels the modern media and modern America. Just look at all those nasty Reality TV shows. She is just par for the sorry course. She is what our culture celebrates now.

      No remotely worthwhile society would let her on TV as anything more than a Hee-Haw extra. (Then again, that probably wouldn’t air in a remotely worthwhile society.)

      • Dude…you are NOT crapping on Hee-Haw. Seriously?

        • i served with benny hill.
          i knew benny hill.
          benny hill was a friend of mine.

          hee-haw, you’re no benny hill.

        • Not really. Just had to out of honesty.

          I admit to having watched it occasionally. (Girls in cut-off jeans may have been a factor in that.) Oddly enough, I think a couple cast members were Canucks. In fact, I vaguely recall liking the CTV ripoff of He-Haw. Dig that one up for a laugh!

  2. Is there any way we can persuade her to run (maybe on the same ticket as the Donald) as a third-party candidate for president? Imagine the entertainment value. Of course, neither of them would agree to be on the bottom half of the ticket.

  3. Hey, I’ve watched some snowmobile races on TV in my day. In Canuckistan, I think it gets similar (winter) airtime to poker or snooker. But at least (unlike poker) it’s a sport. It’s not exactly something to wait with baited breath for, but I’d rather listen to those snowmobile engines going in circles all day than Sarah Palin for 10 minutes.

    But this show wouldn’t even be about the race. You’d see one or two clips out of the race and a whole lot of shots of Fargo Barbie (& her crotch fruit) cheering Todd, relaying to the camera what they were “thinking” and all the “unscripted excitement” between members of the racing team.

    Standard bullshit Reality TV fare. It’s likely some useless channel will pick it up and some idiots will love it.

    • A sport? Hanging onto an accelerating, out of control ice grinding pair of motorized skis is a sport?
      Poker is interesting on many levels. To the initiated, snooker far more so.
      No one wants to listen to Sarah Palin. More specifically, no one wants to listen to Sarah Palin talk about her husband.
      Perhaps it’ll be picked up by The Ocho – ESPN 8.

      • Well, let’s see . . .

        Hillbilly Handfishing
        Big Shrimpin’
        Hoggers
        Lady Hoggers
        Butter Bean
        Swamp Men
        Lizard Licking Towing
        Moonshine

        So there most definitely is room for non-talking, mute ass, AIP Todd.
        Probably on FOX Business where they put Sarah in front of the camera and pretend she can bathe herself and actually has the skill set to do more than call the President a socialist muslim and bitch that Michelle Obama doesn’t want her to feed her Wasilla spawn lard.

      • I was kidding about snooker. It is a sport. Not by a landslide, but it is.

        Interesting or not (to degenerate gamblers maybe), Poker is in no way shape or form a sport. It’s arguably not even a game of skill (chance). It’s probably on par with knitting, “professional eating” or hockey card collecting.

        But if skiing is a sport and motorized vehicle racing is a sport, than clinging to a pair of out of control motorized skis is a sport. It may be on an intellectual par with -say- NASCAR, but “intellectual” and “sport” are somewhat oxymoronic anyway.

        By the way, Arctic Cougar is a very clever title. Sounds like a snowmobile manufacturer. It is, however, it’s a complete train wreck of a show idea…but worse have been made… and watched by millions.

  4. “He’s hotter than two rats fuckin’ in a wool sock!”

    hahahahahahahahahaahahahahahaha
    I love it!

  5. “Bated” breath. You’re not fishing.

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