God Dunnit

From WaPo:

A man, a teenager and three children who were playing games at a Capitol Hill park as part of a Bible camp were injured Tuesday when a large branch fell on them, authorities said.

All five were released from hospitals after treatment, said the pastor of the church that sponsored the camp.

“As far as we’re concerned, it’s a miracle that someone didn’t lose his life,” said the Rev. Michael Hall, pastor of the Peoples Church.

Of course, it’s NOT a miracle that the branch fell on them, or a miracle that they were injured, or a miracle that there were doctors who did something other than pray to treat their injuries…and it’s NOT a miracle that god didn’t reach down and prevent the damn branch from hitting them in the first place, but that they didn’t die – THAT’S the work of the almighty.
One may be certain what this blithering jesus hoople head would have said if one of the children died: “It’s a miracle they weren’t ALL killed.”
And if they were all killed? There must be a miracle in there somewhere. God, after all, works in mysterious ways.

Jules: Man, I just been sitting here thinking.

Vincent: About what?

Jules: About the miracle we just witnessed.

Vincent: The miracle you witnessed. I witnessed a freak occurrence.

Jules: What is a miracle, Vincent?

Vincent: An act of God.

Jules: And what’s an act of God?

Vincent: When God makes the impossible possible. But this morning I don’t think it qualifies.

Jules: Hey, Vincent, don’t you see? That shit don’t matter. You’re judging this shit the wrong way. I mean, it could be that God stopped the bullets, or He changed Coke to Pepsi, He found my fucking car keys. You don’t judge shit like this based on merit. Now, whether or not what we experienced was an “according to Hoyle” miracle is insignificant. What is significant is that I felt the touch of God. God got involved.

Vincent: But why?

Jules: Well, that’s what’s fucking with me. I don’t know why, but I can’t go back to sleep.

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5 Responses

  1. My cock is an act of God! A verifiable phallic miracle!

  2. As a long-time newspaper man, I’ve had it up to fucking here with the relatives who proclaim it a miracle that their 12-year-old kid survived the plane crash.
    They never explain why god couldn’t be bothered with the other 150 innocent people who didn’t make it.
    They can’t even explain why god didn’t reach down and stabilize the aircraft until it reached a safe landing strip. Shit, I’ve seen Superman do that in the movies.
    An MTV celebrity death match between Superman and god would be interesting. Superman seems to screw up less often. My money’s on him.

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