The Horror…The Horror!

Steve Weinstein at Crooks and Liars should take up writing horror stories. He’s the next Stephen King…with the ability to imagine the stuff of nightmares – the sort of shit that wakes you up at 3AM soaked with sweat and screaming, or would if you can get to sleep after considering his latest article.

In a nutshell, he posits that the GOP know they cannot defeat Barack Obama in the presidential election. Worse (from their perspective), anyone they toss up – Pawlenty, Romney, Daniels – will fail to ignite the anti-abortion, gun nut, racist, anti-immigrant knuckle draggers that make up the degenerate base of the Republican party.
If the wingnuts and the Teabaggers stay home on election day, they will lose a bunch of down ticket races, handing control of Congress back to the Democrats and turning over some state legislatures as well. In order to prevent that from happening, they need someone who will get out the vote. Enter Sarah Palin, running as a third party candidate.

Why as a third party candidate, you ask? Let the nightmare begin.

Since they already know Obama is likely to be re-elected, it doesn’t matter if she siphons off 5 or 10% of the votes from whichever bland sociopath winds up carrying the GOP banner. What matters is that she fires up the fuckwits and gets them out to the polls to mark their X for The Abominable Snow Snooki. And once they’re in the voting booth, they also mark their X for the rest of the GOP candidates on the ballot.

She runs as a third party candidate so that the GOP doesn’t lose the moderates. There are clearly enough of them who would flip and vote Democrat if Palin were the Republican nominee. The woman is simply toxic to thinking people.
So they put on the double whammy: Sane Republicans (well…relatively speaking) vote for Romney or whomever, and dutifully cast their vote for the GOP in all the down ticket races. Caribou Barbie draws the ignorant, mouth breathing fascists who, after wasting their vote on the Wicked Witch of Wasilla in a pointless orgy of drooling Mama Grizzly fetishism, also dutifully cast their down ticket votes for the Republicans.
It might be enough to hold Congress AND take over the Senate, leaving President Obama to spend four more years battling an executive branch committed to dismantling Social Security, Medicare, cutting taxes, cutting spending, selling off everything that isn’t nailed down and most of the things that are.

In the run-up to the election, the right wing trolls will flood the blogosphere, pretending to be concerned Liberals who are just SO disappointed with Obama; whining and crying and gnashing their teeth about how he’s no different than Bush, a corporate sell out; how he’s ballooning the deficit and didn’t close Gitmo. Doing whatever they can to demotivate and suppress Democratic voter turnout.
Meanwhile, Republican state legislatures are passing racist voter suppression laws requiring photo ID in Florida and Wisconsin (among other states).

This is fucking WAR, folks. And those motherless fuckers are playing for keeps.
I might never sleep again.

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One Response

  1. A few things wrong with this theory.

    1) Most of all, it’s all utterly pointless speculation designed to fill space and get people worked up. So many ducks have to get in a row over the next year before this could even become possible, there’s no point in wasting time over it now.

    2) Fargo Barbie will not run as an Independent. The ONLY way she will do a 3rd party run is if the Tea Party actually does morph into a 3rd party with her as Queen.

    She sees herself as a legitimate major party candidate that could win it all, if only she wins the Republican nomination. Running on her own is too risky. Getting 3% of Americans to vote for you in a crowded Republican race and finishing 3rd is much better than getting 3% of Americans to vote for you in a general election and finishing 3rd. It’s about profile building, climbing the ladder.

    3) The theory might work better if the 3rd party draw was a more established Republican, or a moderate Republican-friendly candidate with a better chance of winning the general election than in a Republican race dominated by wacko voters. For example, a Rudy Giuliani, Colin Powell, Bloomburger or even Newt.

    Put up your most moderate as an Indy and there might be some Democrat vote splitting. And voila! President Barbie in a photo finish!

    It’s more or less how the furthest right party wins in Canada.

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