Looming GOP Implosion

The upcoming Republican primary battle to choose a cadidate for evisceration in the subsequent general election is shaping up as a record year for Orville Reddenbocher, as in, “I’m gonna need a shitload of popcorn for this.”
Of course, what the Republicans – the fractured party of stupidity, obstruction, not at all veiled racism, corporatist fellatio and ever larger tax cuts for the ever wealthier – would prefer in their saner moments is some sort of uniting personality; someone the whole durn purty could get behind to oust the Kenyan Mao Mao commie usurper love child of Malcolm X. Pathetically, and in terms of entertainment value hilariously, what they have is a slate of clowns, idiots and buffoons too stupid to have the foggiest first clue how stupid they are; a cast of liars, adulterers, phonies, imbeciles, theocrats and a frothy mix of fecal matter and lube.
Newt Gingrich is considered the SMART one. Wrap your fucking head around THAT.
Then there’s Michelle Bachmann, a proven liar who doesn’t know anything about American history except for the stories she invents because they soothe her beastly delusions.
Tim Pawlenty, who if he were any more boring…even slightly less interesting…would lose dinner invitations to a cardboard cutout of John Kerry.
Herman Cain, who seems happy to give the Tea Party a black fella they can publicly claim to like.
Rick Santorum, a throwback to the crusades who denies evolution, wants to criminalize abortion and whose name is now synonymous with the bubbly discharge post anal intercourse. Google Santorum.
And all of this hideous foolishness without Donald Trump or Sarah Palin having officially declared.

While predicting a coming implosion of the Republican party may seem a lot like closing the barn door after the horse has lept from the hayloft into the spinning combine harvester blades in an act of desperate Sepuku, I’m still giving it better than even odds.
The “Fiscal Restraint” part of the party versus the “Jesus Is Coming Back / Evolution is only a theory” gang versus the “Obama is a Kenyan Usurper” faction versus the “Creeping Sharia Panic” support group; the Tea Party idiots are pissed that the “RINOs” didn’t haw hard enough to the right; the jesus freaks are convinced that the only path to salvation is to prevent all those women from having abortions while at the same time preventing them from learning about contraception or providing them with any financial support. The Randites want the entire safety net shredded – Social Security, Medicare, Unemployment Insurance…all of it, while the Corporatist Cocksuckers want to crush unions and weasel out of pension obligations. Frankly it’s beginning to smell like the craven, greedy, hateful fucks are getting ready for a genocide of sorts – anyone who doesn’t sleep with Ayn Rand and the Bible under their pillow is doomed. And, of course, they’re too fucking stupid to see the hypocrisy in carrying Atlas Shrugged in one hand and the King James in the other.

Meanwhile, one another narrow front, kudos to the Mainstream Media for continuing the tradition of stacking news programs with invited Repblican liars, cheats, thieves, adulterers, has beens, know nothings and Liz Cheney to the almost total exclusion of Liberal or Progressive voices, all the while without asking ANY hard questions OR objecting to being labeled as “The Liberal Media” that’s in the tank for Obama.

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3 Responses

  1. Well, here’s a truly distasteful and painful question, but one that has to be asked:

    Which one should I be cheering for?

    I know it’s tempting to cheer the craziest/worst ones so that the Democrats have an easier time winning. But I don’t operate that way. I’m more pessimistic than that. I operate under the notion that even the most batshit crazy motherfucker with the most evil plans imaginable can win in the right circumstances, especially in a two party, first-past-the-post system, where winner takes all. When it’s A or B, B often wins just because the public is fickle and just got tired of A.

    Experience has shown me that winning is less politically rewarding in the long run (see: Obama) than the long term damage of losing to the wrong guy (see: Mike Harris) I want to mitigate the potential damage by having a less offensive opposition, even if it means a somewhat better chance of my side losing. (Ain’t that a Sophie’s Choice?)

    I want the “least worst option” to win and the worst options to crash and burn before they have a chance to contaminate the minds of others with their bullshit ideas.

    So who do you think is the Least Worst Option at this point? And, although it may be harder to pick, who is the Most Worst Option?

    • Most Worst Option (of declared candidates)…jumped up horny jesus on skis! Santorum. Gingrich. Santorum. Gingrich.
      “Choose which of your children will die and which will live, or I will kill them both.”
      Meh. Do you need more bullets?

      Least Worst? Dude…they’re fucking Republicans.

      • Sanitarium & Gingrich -eh? I can see Sanitarium, but is Gingrich worse than Palin or Bachmann?

        Oh..you meant Worst Of the declared candidates! I was hoping for Worst & Least Worst of the entire pack of wannabees, so I can get a head start in my worry & dread. Jesus, it ain’t like this is going to take a year and a half, or anything.

        Does that mean T-Paw is the Least Worst declared?

        Hey, I told you it was a distasteful question, but think of it like a prostate check at the doctor’s office.

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