The Stupid, It Burns

Heaven is real! How can I be sure? Because a kid in Nebraska says he remembers meeting Jesus.

His name is Colton Burpo and he’s from Nebraska. He’s 11-years-old now, but his heaven-experience happened at age four after he nearly died.

“I remember Jesus. There were streets of gold and a lot of colors. I sat in Jesus’ lap and then I just felt safe,” recalls Colton.

On a family trip to Colorado, Colton Burpo’s stomach started aching… The then three year old had a ruptured appendix and needed surgery. Todd and Sonja Burpo prayed their son would survive. Miraculously, he did.

Yeah, the surgery probably had nothing to do with his survival. It was the prayers…and pulling through the ordeal was plainly miraculous.

But afterward, his parents sensed something was different about their son. A drive past the hospital four months after the surgery brought everything into perspective. His dad asked Colton, jokingly, if he wanted to go back to the hospital.

Colton answered, “You know dad, the angels sang to me while I was there.”

“I remember looking in the mirror and he was dead serious,” says Todd.

At that point, Colton’s story about heaven began. Colton described what and who he saw, including Pop, his great grandfather who died 30 years before Colton was born. Colton says he didn’t look like the photo in his house. The man he met was young with no glasses. Perhaps, the most shocking part of Colton’s story is an encounter with his unborn sister.

“He came to his mom and said, ‘Mom, I have two sisters,'” describes Todd.

Colton only has one sister.

“You had a baby die in your tummy didn’t you?”, Colton asked his mother.

His parents never told him about the miscarriage.

Yeah, and kids never overhear their parents talking when Mom and Dad are sure they’re asleep.

“She looked familiar and then she started giving me hugs and she said she was glad to have someone in her family up there,” explains Colton.

I guess the Great Grandfather doesn’t count as family.

Over time, this young man’s visions became more real, from his description of Jesus to his talks with God, even a description of Armageddon.

“How does a kid make that up?”, says Todd.

The Burpo family didn’t question Colton. They accepted and embraced their little boy’s unbelievable story, as did members of the congregation Todd Burpo pastors in the small town of Imperial, Nebraska.

What’s that? Dad’s a small town pastor? You don’t say. Color me shocked and surprised.

The worst part? There’s a fucking poll on the site hosting this blithering assload of stupidity. There are three possible responses to the question, “Do you believe this is true?”
Over 80% are certain it is.

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11 Responses

  1. Isn’t this somewhat reminiscent of how Mormon-ism started?

    • Yes, I think in some ways it is reminiscent of the origins of the Mormon Church…but the environmental variables are probably not quite right for the birth of a new religion in this case. Unless the child and/or father decides to REALLY go off the deep end, this will probably simply be used to bolster their already-existing beliefs.

      As a side note, I would be very interested in finding out what drugs they had this kid on during his appendectomy. I’d like to see some angels, too! (The female angels all look like Victoria’s Secret models, right?)

      • Nah…the angels are without form. Only crazy people SEE them.

        • Ha. Shows what YOU know. YOU aint an 11-year-old kid who met his sister who died in his momma’s tummy! And as the good pastor said, “How does a kid [who has heard this kind of talk all his life] make that up?” Case closed.

          Speaking of which, I’ve heard VERY similar arguments regarding the Bible, the Book of Mormon, etc. A common example from the Mormon Church: “The mind of man could not have conceived it.” Of course not. Nobody in the history of mankind has EVER come up with wild ideas or fanciful stories, now have they?

        • Well, given the pitiful state of the modern mind, there’s a whole lot of shit that it can’t seem to process.

  2. Gullible idiots.

    • I think it’s worse than gullibility. They planted the seed, and now they foster the madness in their own child as some twisted proof of their own delusion…and for profit.
      Stupidity on a massive scale, only outstripped by their wanton negligence and stunning ignorance.

      • Avi, I quite agree, it is worse than gullibility. I live in the fucking bible belt of USA and hear this sort of shit all the time.. so weary of it that my brain will shut down, and quite loudly too.
        Stupidity, and brainwashing on a massive scale.
        “It’s a wonder that they still know how to breathe”

  3. I’m convinced.

    Just one question – why did God rupture the appendix in the first place?

    The part they left out:
    “Mom, while I was sitting on Jesus’ lap, he fondled my penis.” recalls Colton.

  4. ah ah ah obviously there is a “proof” that a fetus is already a human being (“soul”), it’s all political, iI even wonder why you think the kid actually said that. All is wrong, maybe the kid doesn’t exist.

  5. I’m sold. Heaven all the way!

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