Justin Bieber, whoever that is, was apparently nominated for a Grammy in the Best New Artist category. Bieber did not win. An awesomely talented multi-instrumentalist jazz vocalist / bass player named Esperanza Spalding won.
As between a woman who plays four or seven instruments with a frightening level of accomplishment, and a tween haircut who looks cute on posters, one can only imagine the outrage that surged through the intertubes when the award was properly awarded to the BEST new artist.
“JUSTIN BIEBER DESERVED IT GO DIE IN A HOLE. WHO THE HECK ARE YOU ANYWAY?”
The foregoing was added to Gomez’ wiki page within moments of the new Sean Cassidy not being feted amongst his peers.
Da doo ron ron ron da go fuck yourself you little lipstick wearing lip-synching castrato fraud.
Some day this war will be over, and you poseur posturing no-talent haircuts will fade, as you deserve, next to talent that grips its instrument in clenched toes and fucking PLAYS music.
That smell. You smell that smell? That rosin and YEARS of sweat smell?
THAT is the smell of MUSIC.
Fuck you, Justin Bieber, and double fuck anyone who thinks you deserved to top talent like this:
I’ve actually never listened to the beiber, oh wait.. SNL maybe but we’d recorded it and after the first 5 seconds hit FF… meh.
Esperanza on the other hand I have listened to and ahhhh yes, that’s Music. Beyond a treat, glad she won it, that apparently there are still some folks who don’t have their heads up their asses.
I like that a jazz musician won, though I was pulling for Florence + The Machine. Someone did raise the question, valid I thought: How does someone who has three major label albums going back to 2006 qualify for Best New Artist?
This whole Bieber Fever thing…it’s probably my fault.
Being located, as Frank Magazine used to say, “not un-adjacent” to Bieber’s neck of the woods, I happened to come across him busking on at least 2 occasions. Probably more, as he looked a little different when he was (cough) “younger”. In fact, I am also quite familiar with the place Little Bieb was hatched.
However, contrary to popular rumour, Mama Bieb was not one of my many legovers. At least not the ones I was sober enough to remember. Perhaps I should call Maury.
Other than that (rather lucrative) possibility, here’s the responsibility I am sure of.
1) I may have been in two of his “viral” You Tube videos, as I walked through them while they were being shot. Another appearance of mine in a video launched another Canadian act in 2010. What can I say? Even a passing glimpse of me is pure video gold.
2) Mere months before girls were pulling each others hair out to get near him, I was standing right next to him while he was busking on a bench, (warming up to busk, actually) Literally hundreds passed by as if he was invisible. He looked up at me and gave me the look a puppy gives the Alpha Dog when he piddles himself. Just like the puppies watch the Alpha Dog for cues, he then watched me and how I related to the lucky woman I was with.
In other words, he learned how to cast a spell over females by watching me.
Sorry world. Next time, I’ll try to be more careful.
I’m responsible for a lot of bad shit, but you can’t pin that rap on me.
Speaking of shaggy hair, one of these two videos features me in my car. Most of the video was shot within 2 minutes of my house and includes some of my favourite stomping grounds. I actually saw two of the scenes being shot.
Sure my appearance was so brief and obscure that the only reason I noticed it myself was because I saw the camera filming from a distance. Even though I knew what I was looking for, I still had to pause the video on my big screen HDTV and say “Yeah that was me”. But that’s still good enough for it to absorb enough of my essence to make the video great.
I say “one of two videos” in order to mask my location somewhat and as an excuse to show both videos.