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The Three Cescans Gruff

Once upon a time there were three Cescans, who were to go up to the internets to make themselves informed, and the name of all three was “Gruff.”

On the way up was a blog featuring fresh posts they had to cross; and under each post lived a great ugly troll , with eyes as big as saucers, and a nose as long as a poker, named Jess Rivera.

So first of all came the youngest Cescan Gruff to read a post.

“Reason, facts, empirical reality! ” went the post.

“Who’s that posting reality over my head?” roared Jess Rivera.

“Oh, it is only I, the tiniest Cescan Gruff , and I’m reading the internets to make myself informed,” said the Cescan, with such a small voice.

“Now, I’m coming to piss in your cornflakes,” said Jess Rivera.

“Oh, no! Put your putrified piss hose back in your pants,” said the Cescan. “Wait a bit till the next Cescan comes. He’s a much bigger Obama lover.”

“Well, be off with you,” said Jess Rivera.

A little while after came the second Cescan Gruff to cross the bridge.

“Reason, facts, empirical reality! ” went the post.

“Who’s that posting reality over my head?” roared Jess Rivera.

“Oh, it’s the second Cescan Gruff , and I’m reading the internets to make myself informed,” said the Cescan, who hadn’t such a small voice.

“Now I’m coming to shit in your shoes,” said Jess Rivera.

“Oh, no! Cover your spasming brown winkie! Wait a little till the big Cescan Gruff comes. He’s a much bigger Obama lover.”

“Very well! Be off with you,” said Jess Rivera.

But just then up came the big Cescan Gruff .

“REASON, FACTS, EMPIRICAL REALITY, AND DON’T MAKE ME CUT A BITCH!” went the post, for the Cescan was so fucking mean, impatient and possessed such a huge goddamn vocabulary that the words creaked and groaned under him.

“Who’s that posting over my head?” roared Jess Rivera.

“It’s I! Cousin Avi,” said the Cescan, who had a booming baritone voice of his own.

“Now I ‘m coming to fuck you up with my blithering, insistent imbecility,” roared Jess Rivera.

Well, come along! I’ve got two spears,
And I’ll poke your eyeballs out at your ears;
I’ve got besides two curling-stones,
And I’ll crush you to bits, body and bones.
I’ve been tearing apart blithering fuckwit trolls just like you since you were jerking off to Atlas Shrugged.

That was what Cousin Avi Gruff said. And then he flew at Rivera, and poked his eyes out with his spears, and crushed him to bits, body and bones, and tossed him out into the series of tubes, and after that he went up to the internets. There the Cescans got so informed they were scarcely able to tolerate the sick and twisted shit being committed by the villagers.

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