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Just Something That Happened

Over at Cesca’s joint some things went down. I decided to post it.
In response to the constant, obsessive bitching and moaning of the resident sockpuppet troll:

[BG: Tense orchestral arrangement – music clip 1]

VO: In a world where hope has vanished…where change for the sake of loose change is all that remains…one man stands alone, waging a valiant, perhaps doomed fight against the forces of reason and objective reality.
Jess Rivera is that man.

[BG SFX: Explosions/Screams – audio clip 2]

He has no need for grammar.
…no use for syntax.
…no desire for logic…
And he has NO TIME for BOB CESCA.

[BG SFX: “RIGHT ON” audio clip / B&E Podcast – audio clip 3]

When the arguments are beyond the comprehension of stupid common folk…
[SFX: DUH! – audio clip 4]

When spittle flecked frustration is all the people have left…
[SFX: Irrational hollering rant – audio clip 5]

When the fate of the future rests in the balance…
[SFX: Child’s voice, “Mommy, is Bob Cesca going to kill us all?” – audio clip 6]

The PEOPLE will have only ONE MAN to STOP THE HORROR!

Jess Rivera…the Poster of a Thousand Identities…is that man.

Steadfastly ignorant, unyielding stupidity, unmatched obsession…
[SFX: Trailer Park Boys/Bubbles, “I hates samsquatches!” – audio clip 7]

No thought, all argument, shallow perspective…
[SFX: Palin, “Position flexible; fungible molecules!” – audio clip 8]

When all that’s left is hopeless frustration, the world will turn to JESS RIVERA…and beat him to death with sticks with nails in them.

TAGLINE: Coming to blogs everywhere – Fall 2012. A CousinAvi production.
[SFX: CA audio logo “Inhale/Hack/Cough/Hoark” – audio clip 9]

–30–

Posted by: cousinavi December 20, 2010 10:35

This next wasn’t in response to my post, but I couldn’t help replying…

Cult. Of. Personality. Truly breathtaking.

Posted by: William Wallace December 20, 2010 11:49 PM

Cloak. Of. Invisibility. How does one FIND it?

Posted by: cousinavi December 20, 2010 11:56 PM

Oh Avi is sooooo witty. Are you the court jester here at Awesome Blog Blow? See there I made a funny too.
Now, Kneel before Zod! Or is it Bob? I’m starting to get them mixed up.

Posted by: William Wallace December 21, 2010 12:19 AM

Here we go.

@ Billy Wally

I provide a number of services: Court Jester, Sergeant at Arms, Head Chef, Property Assessor, Auctioneer, Hall Monitor, Substitute Teacher, Assassin, Philosopher, Lifeguard, Horticulturalist, Herpetologist, Massage Therapist, Oncologist, Baritone, Power Forward, Prostitute, Interior Designer, and Elvis Dingeldein’s Personal Lingerie Adjuster…to name but a few.

Your application for the position of gadfly (apprenticed to AlFred) has been noted. Unfortunately you lack gad and cannot fly. And, evidently, you have no idea what is and what is not funny (see your assertion above that you made one when you most assuredly did not). Nevertheless, I’ll keep your application on file and continue to monitor your comments on the slim chance that they may improve.
Don’t call us, we’ll call you.

Furthermore, in my continuing effort to perform at least some of my aforementioned titular duties, only a few of which actually involve tits (Get on that treadmill, Dingeldein!), I offer the following advice:
1. Read a book. Take a course. Listen to someone other than the voice in your head. Do some fucking thing…but stop embarrassing yourself in public like this.
2. Don’t stick your fingers in the badger cage. No one knows where they’ve been…and I bite.
3. Those fellas at the truckstop are NOT going to your destination. Stop getting in the truck.
4. Bob is not Zod. I’m Zod. Now get down on your knees you blithering fucktard and PRAY!

Posted by: cousinavi December 21, 2010 12:42 AM

Blah, blah, blah…oh look avi made a list. Big fucking deal.
Blah, blah, blah…look avi made another list conflating and equating squat.
Blah, blah, blah…lo and behold another list of witless sycophantic ravings of a man trying desperately to entertain, weeeeeee!!!!! and then some more, blah, blah, blah, throw in a gay joke (haha), blah, blah, then more ad hominem attacks………….yawn……………
Yup, you are Zod, avi, whatever you say.

Posted by: William Wallace December 21, 2010 1:41 AM

Pardon me?

@ Billy Wally

You asked if I were Court Jester. To quote the inimitable Jules Winnfield, “If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.”

As for “conflating and equating”, I direct your attention to yet another movie quote:
“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” -Inigo Montoya

Witless? Anything but, you semi-literate doof.
Sycophantic? And just whose ass would I be kissing? Rather seemed more like I was kicking yours up and down the blog, but I understand why you feel the need to call names…and why you have a rather obvious tendency to attempt big words you don’t understand. Here’s some more free advice: Don’t pretend to be educated when getting your ignorant, unread, untraveled, provincial, thoughtless, illiterate, whiny, juvenile ass handed to you by someone who is.

Gay joke? What gay joke? Someone’s soft spot is showing! Methinks thou doth protest too much, Nancy Boy.

Regarding your claim of ad hominem attacks, it is generally accepted that such practices are employed as an ALTERNATIVE to, or IN PLACE OF responding to an argument (see ARGUMENTUM ad hominem). Since you have not made anything that might be deemed to even distantly orbit anything remotely resembling an argument (cogent or otherwise), “at the man” responses are unnecessary. I’m simply insulting you for being a blithering ass, so you can stuff your poorly understood Latin phrases into the same dark cavern where you keep the almost infinite pile of other things you don’t really grok.

As for your closing “…yawn.” If I bore you, you desperate little attention whore, why do you bother to respond?
You might ask me the same question, but I’m not the one yawning. Frankly, I’m fascinated when someone so talentless, ignorant and incompetent keeps coming back with the blog equivalent of, “Please, Sir…may I have another?”
What needy little diagnosis are you carrying around in full display on the futile hope of finding someplace where your stupidity and bad attitude will win you a thimbleful of respect?

Thanks for playing, and feel free sharpen up your crayons and fill out another ballot.

Posted by: cousinavi December 21, 2010 2:13 AM

Sprinkles…

Avi just busted a nut in your face.
Go wash up, or wear it as a badge of honor.

Posted by: MrBrink December 21, 2010 2:14 AM

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2 Responses

  1. This shit was so goddamn awesome
    I think you really shut him up…maybe not for good, but definitely stopped him in his tracks

  2. I have to agree with Jack (Hi Jack )….it was truly one of your finest.

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