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Profoundly Fucking Weird

American politics has fascinated me for most of my life. With the exception of Pierre Trudeau, Canada has never had much flash in the National game. There have been a few colorful folks at the provincial level…hell there have been some great walloping pillocks at the provincial level…but never anyone that hollers for armed insurrection.
Canada has had secessionists (Bloc Quebecois), terrorists (FLQ), gays (Svend Robinson and Scott Brison), a woman Prime Minister (Kim Campbell) and a host of others, some almost comically forgettable (Joe Who?), but for some reason, we just don’t generate the face-palm style the Yanks display almost daily.
Of course, Canada doesn’t affect the world with anything remotely resembling the magnitude of the gravitational pull exerted by our mostly batshit insane neighbor. Our military stays home when Uncle Sam loses the plot (Vietnam, Iraq) and tries very hard to conduct itself with a certain degree of honour when they do get involved. There have been some bad moments (Somalia)…but nothing like Gitmo or Abu Ghraib. The economy is relatively tiny, as is the population. We’re good at hockey (the Olympic gold medal…let me show it to you), song writing (Leonard Cohen, Neil Young), being polite and shoveling snow (although not commonly being polite while shoveling snow).
In any case, the machinations of political power south of the 49th have, from about the time of Watergate, held my rapt attention and awe.
As pure entertainment, it has been getting better every year. Sadly part of that appeal comes from the same fear that accompanies other extreme sports and thrill rides – the almost certain knowledge that if anything goes wrong, this shit might just kill us all.
And they’re cranking the fear factor up to infinity.
Any country in which it is possible to seriously consider electing people like Joe Miller, Sharon Angle, Christine O’Donnell, Ken Buck, Tom Tancredo and Carl Paladino has some serious fucking problems. These are people who want to stop you from masturbating, let industry regulate itself, prevent equal rights for gays, destroy social security, privatize health care, eliminate unemployment insurance, arrest reporters, refuse to speak to the media, teach creationism in the schools, prevent rape victims from accessing legal abortions, pay their rent from campaign funds, and think it’s funny to send out emails featuring bestiality.
They want a white, Christian America where avocados and oranges are harvested by…robots, I guess…and they want the minimum wage repealed so they don’t have to pay the people who fix the robots enough to be able buy any fucking avocados.
They want everyone to own guns, except the criminals who will be locked up forever. They want drugs illegal, except for the legal drugs which your insurance company won’t pay for – you can have those if you can afford them.
They want to be “free” to practice their religion…and that includes inflicting it on others in public, in school, in the courthouse and in the media…unless you’re a Muslim, in which case you better shut the fuck up. There’s no separation of CHURCH and state…you can jam your mosques right up your Mohammad! THOSE murdering terrorist blasphemers want to impose Sharia law on America!
It’s like some sort of fun house mirror room on acid and the only voices you can hear keep saying things that are not true and only rarely seem to make any sense…but they’re very loud and goddamn insistent.
These midterm elections seem to have America suffering a number of illnesses: Alzheimer’s, amnesia and depression to name three. They’ve forgotten that Reagan started most of this shit, they don’t remember how they took the keys away from Bush for very good reasons, they can’t recall how they got here, and they’re not willing to deal with reality.
There are also pockets of schizophrenia, delusions of grandeur, narcissistic personality disorder, paranoia, attention deficit disorder, any number of sexual hang-ups ranging from rampant homophobia to oral/anal fetishes (Glenn “Jam it down your throat” Beck and Rush “Bend over and grab your ankles” Limbaugh), and so common and widespread as to be almost overlooked, pathological lying.
If the utterly incompetent, obstructionist, “tax cuts are the answer” Republicans retake control of congress, the next two years will be spent doing nothing except digging for some fucking reason to impeach the Kenyan usurper Marxist Manchurian illegitimate negro from the WHITE house. Well, that and preparing a serious candidate for a run at the oval office as they take every possible step to make things worse while blaming the president for not making things better.
And, in that same dumbed down “I don’t need to know a damn thing about the facts! I’m an AMERICAN!” attitude that makes them such welcome tourists around the world, the voters are approaching the governance of their nation with bumper sticker slogans, knee-jerk reactionary platforms, and an absolutely unwarranted certainty that all that’s needed to fix every fucking thing under the sun is a little more Christ and some good, old-fashioned Conservative common sense solutions *wink*.
“May you live in interesting times,” is supposed to be a Chinese curse. It becomes ever more clear, the wisdom in choosing to live in boring times. The next two years are going to be very interesting…and frustrating and ugly…and profoundly fucking weird.
I gotta get some popcorn for this.

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2 Responses

  1. America has become the car crash you can’t divert your eyes from. And we all need to for own good. Otherwise, we could be involved in a secondary crash.

    There’s nothing but carnage on every front and crash victims are walking around with open head wounds. They’re in such a state of shock, they have no idea they’ve even been in a crash.

    The ambulance is on its way to take away America. If it survives, it will probably be paralysed for life. If it dies, America’s possessions have all been willed to China.

  2. Hey, you forgot about William Lyon Mackenzie King!!!

    While he was totally personality-free on the outside, on the inside, King was a Canadian with the kind of crazy that could put him in the American Ballpark.

    From Wikipedia:

    Privately, he was highly eccentric with his preference for communing with spirits, including those of Leonardo da Vinci, Sir Wilfrid Laurier, his dead mother, and several of his Irish Terrier dogs, all named Pat except one named Bob. He also claimed to commune with the spirit of the late President Roosevelt. He sought personal reassurance from the spirit world, rather than seeking political advice. Indeed, after his death, one of his mediums said that she had not realized that he was a politician. King asked whether his party would win the 1935 election, one of the few times politics came up during his séances. His occult interests were kept secret during his years in office, and only became publicized later, and have seen in his occult activities a penchant for forging unities from antitheses, thus having latent political import. In 1953 Time Magazine stated that he owned — and used — both a Ouija board and a crystal ball.

    King never married, but had several close women friends, including Joan Patteson, a married woman with whom he spent some of his leisure time.

    Some historians have interpreted passages in his diaries as suggesting that King regularly had sexual relations with prostitutes. Others, also basing their claims on passages of his diaries, have suggested that King was in love with Lord Tweedsmuir, whom he had chosen for appointment as Governor General in 1935.

    That’s right, folks. Canada’s longest serving Prime Minister (21 years) talked to his dead (stuffed) dogs about policy decisions…and their spirits talked back!

    He didn’t just dress up as a SS soldier. He hung out with Hitler himself. No word on his stand on masturbation, but he probably would say he was against it, if asked.

    Makes me proud to be a Canadian!

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