Palin Crotch Fruit Profit

It’s one thing to have Sarah Palin traipsing around the goddamn continent spouting ignorant, brainless, imbecilic crap every fuckng time she opens her mouth. Yammering racist, backward, thoughtless bullshit designed to insult, inflame, distort, mislead and corrupt; mangling quotes, lying about history, inventing facts, asserting falsehoods and inflicting the blatant idiocy of too little education mixed with too much fame. Yeah…that’s one thing. It’s ANOTHER thing to learn today that her eldest daughter, Bristol, will now be paid $30,000 per engagement to travel around giving speeches too.
And on what topics will this high school drop-out, infamously single mother hold forth in order to earn about double the annual minimum wage for a fucking few minutes of blathering notes her mother will jot down on her hands? Being a Palin, of course, she will talk about the ONE subject she demonstrably KNOWS ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOTHING ABOUT: Abstinence and pregnancy prevention.
Bristol Palin, who got knocked up from riding the local redneck hockey stick in her mother’s own home, will be paid large fees to tell other people how NOT to get pregnant; why not fucking is the better choice!
Bristol Palin, who like her batshit brainless Mater-from-Hell supposedly believes condoms are a bad thing (they promote promiscuity!) despite clearly having been in need of them at least once, is going to “earn” $30,000 to stand in front of other people and advise them on NOT FUCKING.
And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.

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9 Responses

  1. Bristol is now officially, literally, a whore.

  2. $30,000 an appearance??? You’ve got to be shitting me! Just who the fuck is paying this little whore $30,000 a speech?

    Even if she was the most qualified and capable person on earth, $30,000 is just ludicrous!

    • Who’s paying? Anyone that wants or gets. Frankly, I’ll take you any day. Like Johnny Winter, you’re mine for a case of Blue Nun wine.

      • I have most certainly partaken in the Blue Nun in the past, but the rest of that comment sounds a little gay, if you ask me, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

        Either way, my services are worth way more than a bottle of Blue Nun, especially now that a second generation dumbass tramp like Talladega Palin can get 30G a pop.

        Seriously, who the fuck is paying her that kind of money? Is it merely a way to ingratiate themselves to her madre?

        • What happened between Johnny Winter and me after a case of Blue Nun stays in Vegas, as the saying goes.
          Although, I remember when Johnny Copeland rolled through town. There was a famous Madam in the city went by the name of Misty. On the second night of the engagement, she showed up at the club proudly wearing Copeland’s guitar strap like a sash and sporting fresh welts up the backs of her thighs that appeared to continue north above her already elevated hemline. A little Texan S&M conducted maritime style.

          Interesting question. Who the fuck IS paying to hear Bristol Palin speak? I suppose it would be a matter of public record, so the question will eventually be answered…but as a matter of prediction, I can’t think of anyone.

  3. After giving this a bit of thought over my favorite beverage, this question occurred to me: What the fuck is she going to talk about?
    How can she tell girls not to get pregnant while young and unmarried, while raking in thousands for doing exactly that?
    Maybe she’ll flash those rather impressive tits. I’d pay to see that.

    • This
      http://evilbeetgossip.film.com/2008/09/02/hi-bristol/
      is as close as I came to see just that. And I would most certainly hit that myself. Not for 30G, but maybe a bottle or two of Blue Nun.

      Notice how the Governor’s daughter always has a drink in her hand?

      • Actually, after some more research, I think these pictures are of her ex, Levi’s, sister. Some of the photos suggest the two may have a traditional hillbilly sibling relationship, if you know what I mean.

        Either way, it’s clear underage drinking and underage sex is just how Bristol Palin rolls.

  4. Definitely not Bristol. Trust me, I’m a tit man. Those girls aren’t in Bristol’s league, tit-wise.
    Of course, there’s always something to be said for any cute drunk chick. Just don’t tell her your real name.

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