The alphabet is filling up. Some letters are already pulling double duty.
The list of words you cannot say, but must refer to by appending “word” to the first letter of the impugned term, is growing faster than I can (or am willing to) keep up. And, frankly, if I want to say the N-word, I just say it. It holds no power over me, and I refuse to bow before it by addressing it as if it were The Artist Formerly Known as Nigger.
In any case, I’ve decided to compile a list of words that are so heavy and powerful that huge numbers of people whisper their new forms like old Jewish women talk about disease: “Did you hear about Moses Lipshitz? He has cancer !”
I’m gonna need help with a few of them. Leave your suggestions in the comments.
A – Asshole is a candidate, but I don’t think it qualifies. Suggestions?
B – Bitch
C – Cunt.
D – Both douchebag and dickhead come to mind, but those are far too common to ever make anyone really angry. Got any D’s?
E – ?
F – The F-Word! Holy smokin’ fuck, he said the F-Word!
G – Can’t think of anything…
J – Of course Jew comes to mind, but that could just be a statement of fact: “I didn’t know you were a Jew,” as opposed to, “Dirty fucking Jew! Get on the train!” Still, if I heard someone say, “The J-word”, I’d have to ask them what the hell they were talking about.
L – Lesbian. I know this because there was a television show of the same name: The L-Word. This is the proper name for dykes.
It strikes me that the term “The L-word” might also be taken to mean Love, as in, “Last night when we were fucking, she said the L-word.”
It makes the category on form.
M – Motherfucker, though as George Carlin pointed out, this is merely a compound form of the F-Word. Despite being pretty common, it is also pretty repulsive when you stop and think about it. Still, never heard anyone actually say “The M-Word”.
N – Nigger.
O – Open to suggestions here.
P – Got nuthin’. Pisstank. Pussy. P-flap?
Q – I don’t think there’s even a candidate here. Lots of words, but none that elicit the sort of outrage to suffer being banned.
R – Retard. Retarded. Retardo. Retarderino. Your Retardedness, if you’re not into that whole brevity thing.
S – There MUST be an S-Word. I just can’t think of it.
T – Transgendered? Trannie? T-girl? Ice-T? Teabaggers? Help me out here! HAH! I can’t believe I didn’t think of it sooner! TARD! How sneaky, eh? Trying to slip an R-word past in the T’s!
I’m reminded of the joke about Dirty Ernie, the little boy who loved to curse:
One day the teacher was having a spelling bee. For each letter of the alphabet, one student would have to give a word beginning with that letter, spell the word and use it in a sentence.
The teacher says, “A?” Dirty Ernie puts up his hand. Nothing doing – the teacher knows he’ll say ass. She picks Suzie. “Ant. A-N-T – There’s an ant crawling on the flower.”
B – Ernie’s hand goes up. She picks David. “Bat. B-A-T – Bats are flying mammals.”
C…D…E…Dirty Ernie raises his hand each time. Each time the teacher chooses another student. At the letter F Dirty Ernie almost has a stroke, but again he isn’t chosen.
Finally, the teacher comes to the letter R. Ernie again raises his hand, but the teacher can’t think of a single dirty word that begins with R.
“Okay, Ernie…go ahead,” she says, “You can do R.”
Ernie stands up. “Rat. R-A-T – A rat with a giant fucking cock THIS long!”
Filed under: Comedy, Philosophy, Sarah Palin, Social Commentary, Stupid, Truth | Tagged: b-word, bitch, C-word, cunt, F-word, fuck, lesbian, N-word, nigger, politically correct, retard, retarded, words you cannot say |