I’ve had some screamers, but never noise complaints from the neighbours, much less involving the local constabulary.
48-year-old Brit Catherine Cartwright ignored a court-ordered ban on her noisy sex, and has pleaded guilty to making love with sounds described as “murder,” “unnatural,” and capable of drowning out her neighbors’ televisions.
Cartwright had been banned from her noisy romps after hundreds of complaints. Even her postman and a women who walked her child to school past Cartwright’s house complained.
The Press Association reported that Cartwright claimed to not realize she was being so noisy:
Giving evidence Cartwright said she was unable to control the noise she made during sex. “I did not understand why people asked me to be quiet because to me it is normal. I didn’t understand where they were coming from. I have tried to minimize the situation by having sex in the morning – not at night – so the noise was not waking anybody,” she said.
It would seem a stretch that Ms. Cartwright will do time for her wailing and moaning – a stiff fine, perhaps. Nevertheless, I believe I have the solution.
Some years ago, while surveying in a remote area, we needed a step ladder. I knocked on a woman’s door and asked if she happened to have one – she said there was one in her garage and I could help myself. As I walked down her driveway, I noticed her dog on the back steps. It was violently trembling…convulsing…I thought it was choking to death. I ran back to the door and knocked again. “There’s something wrong with your dog!”
“No, no,” she told me, “he’s just trying to bark.”
“But there’s no noise coming out. He must have something stuck in his throat.”
“No. He barked almost constantly, so I had his vocal chords removed.”