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The Giant Black Hole of Batshit Insanity: Palin + Bachmann

Out of the mists of dawn, a caravan of tractor trailers descend on Nashville, Tennessee…
230,000 screaming watts of power, flashpots, lasers…
Get ready. They’re COMING!
B. Bachmann.
Tee. Baggers.
OVERDRIVE!
B-b-b-b-baby, you just ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

Hold on to your hats, kids. February brings you the biggest gathering of freaks and malcontents since the last Gathering of the Juggalos.
Think, “More crazy, fewer clowns!” Well, fewer clown FACES, more clowns.
Michelle Bachmann and Sarah Palin, together, at the first National Teabagger Convention.
Real Americans. Patriots and paranoia. A wink with every lie – It’ll look like a gathering of folks with facial tics!
The two nuttiest, dumbest, most vacant, ill-informed, yammering, stupid, vapid, ignorant, brainless blithering idiots in American politics together at last.
Inbred batshit insanity featuring the comedic stylings of Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia and Gallagher!
Special autograph sessions with Erik Estrada, Tammy Faye Baker and The Knack!
Win a trip to hike the Appalachian Trail with Mark Sanford!
Caribou lasagna and handguns for the kids!
Special appearances by Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck and a not white person, Michelle Malkin!

(Disclaimer: Use as directed. Side effects may include brain bleeding, face stabbing, anal leakage, yammering incomprehensibility, rejection of science and reason, conjoined twin dysplasia, You Betcha, violent winking and a powerful desire to Drill, Baby, Drill.)

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12 Responses

  1. Ha ha!! Good stuff. 🙂

  2. To be expected…..remember about two years ago Britanny spears, J Lohan and Paris Hilton went out together for a night on the town? The New York Post ran their picture with the headline, “The Three Bimbos of the Apocalypse”.

    [ J Lohan? J? Jimmy? WTF? Are you that removed from pop reality that you forgot the cokehead’s name was Lindsey? – Avi]

    • Reminds me of the night I found myself drinking outside the Pig Pen with Bloodbath Kevin, Schlumpy Kirk and P.J.
      Somehow I knew that night was doomed.

  3. HaHA! proud of myself there- no, I know it’s lindsay- I do, I really really do. I was mistaking J-Lo for L-Lo- for shame!

    [ LindsEy, motherfucker. Which, by the way (phonetically speaking), means “Squeeze shit” in Cantonese
    – Avi ]

  4. Tammy Faye died this past year – although I imagine this is so important, they’re bringing her back for a special appearance!

  5. Well, you can spell it both ways, and though I didn’t know how she spells her first name, I also didn’t know it that you are a National Enquirer loving trash media junkie – zing!

  6. Banyan Tree: Actually it’s not a zing if you have write out “zing.”
    Jebus, do you realize you’re just one symptom away from happy faces and “LOL”? Get help.

    • Oh oh.
      Whoa fellas.

      @ Little John…just so you know…Banyan Tree and I are personally acquainted. He’s welcome (and expected) to take jousty stabs and sophomoric nonsequiters. He’s being playful, not stranger danger snotty…although he often thinks they’re the same thing. In any case, crossed wires. Down, killer.

  7. Hey Avi I’m a big boy, I can play with your other friends and can take their fun jibes!

  8. And you think I don’t know you? What, you don’t think I own a telescope?
    As for killer, hey, I was just trying to keep that girl quiet. But she wouldn’t shut up. The screaming, the screaming….

  9. Ha-ha!

  10. Just the thought of this happening made me vomit. And by vomit I mean commit suicide. I post-dated this comment.

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