Hank and the Coleman Cooler

One day a buddy of mine and I went to the beach. It was crowded, so we walked up the beach about 1500 meters to get away from the mass of idiots playing bad music on cheap portable stereos.
A couple of hours later, two girls we knew walked up. We knew neither of them had a car, so we asked how they came to be at the beach.
“Hank gave us a drive.”
Where’s Hank?
They turned and pointed. In the distance we could see Hank, shirtless and carrying one of those metal Coleman coolers that weigh about 10 pounds empty. From the way Hank was staggering, we could tell two things: Hank was drunk, and the cooler was full.
We watched Hank zigzag back and forth in the sand, dragged hither and yon by the sheer weight of that cooler, for what seemed like a long time. Eventually he arrived at our spot, dropped the cooler and collapsed on top of it.
“Jesus Fucked Up Christ!” gasped Hank, “Did you guys come far enough down the fucking beach?”
Hank flipped open the cooler and cursed under his breath.
Half full of melt water with a single floating can of beer.

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2 Responses

  1. I bought one of those old metal Coleman coolers at the Goodwill for $4. It’s a bit heavier, but it works much better than the modern plastic piece of shit I now use as a backup. (And, yes, I need two coolers some days.)

    And it’s retro-cool to boot!

    • I love the metal lunchbox snap closer on those fuckers. Just the pull in the pivot…you KNOW that fucker’s SEALED.

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