Sarah Palin “Going Rogue” – First Excerpt

Ben Wyskida has obtained the first excerpt from Sarah Palin’s soon to be published book, “Going Rogue”. It appears here on HuffPo, but it’s too delicious not to repost in its entirety. Brilliant, sir!…and with apologies to Ben for wholesale theft:

Chapter One: “I Am Therefor Such As”
By Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin

Say it ain’t so Joe! My name is Sarah Palin. Recently several year I the State of Alaska had the pleasure, north the hugeness, am the zealous public servant! My husband and I have blessed with many attractive children. In 2008 I even has the pleasure is presidential candidate’s John the McCain running mate! I enjoy the hunting wolf and the moose. Is the wife and the mother also.

I am born in Sandpoint, Idaho, four children three. My mother Sarah Six Pack is school secretary, and my father Charles is the science teacher and the orbital training. When I am the baby I family am moved to Alaska. Do you rape kit? Needing 100000 USD sent Nigeria internet. Trig! SarahPac.com.

Grew up we usually to participate in 5 km and 10 km the competition! On me Wasilla high school, located at 44 mile Anchorage north. When I there I am the Christian athlete chapter and girls’ member companion head. And, I am school’ Captain and point guard. Even won the Alaska condition champion in 1982 us!

My father is feels very much proud. Joe the Plumber! Later I will go to the Hawaiian am the graduation from the high school the institute in Honolulu. I leave, in a semester later and will shift to the north Idaho institute Community college. Moose. I in 1983 year two semesters, a generality have studied major. In 1984, I won Miss Wasilla Pageant, then completed third in 1984 Alaska young lady!

In August, 1984, I shifted to Idaho’s University in Moscow, my older brothers, Charles, major in the education. Wolf moose. In two semesters later I in returned to Alaska, and on Community college, a deadline 1985 autumn. Golly gee wilikers. Then returned to Idaho’s University in January, 1986, I passed has completed my bachelor! The degree in the correspondence journalism aspect. Again my father is feels very much proud. This is the matter obtains interesting. In 1988,

I worked have taken sports Reporter in Anchorage and border area. I also helped in husband’s commercial fishing industry family property. Therefore no gay. Ronald Reagan? Fire that librarian. Go Wasilla!

Such a red state up here. No-brainer is that “R” is to take the cake going here wolf moose. Ron Paul also. VP slot would be a fruitful type of position ramp up crude oil first dude. Lesser grinding would be most welcome.

By the by, the American Heritage Dictionary defines “Rogue” as follows:

rogue (rōg)
n.
1. An unprincipled, deceitful, and unreliable person; a scoundrel or rascal.
2. One who is playfully mischievous; a scamp.
3. A wandering beggar; a vagrant.
4. A vicious and solitary animal, especially an elephant that has separated itself from its herd.
5. An organism, especially a plant, that shows an undesirable variation from a standard.

adj.
1. Vicious and solitary. Used of an animal, especially an elephant.
2. Large, destructive, and anomalous or unpredictable: a rogue wave; a rogue tornado.
3. Operating outside normal or desirable controls: “How could a single rogue trader bring down an otherwise profitable and well-regarded institution?” (Saul Hansell).

v. tr.
1. To defraud.
2. To remove (diseased or abnormal specimens) from a group of plants of the same variety.

v. intr.
To remove diseased or abnormal plants.

One wonders which of those definitions Caribou Barbie thinks is most flattering.

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33 Responses

  1. I seriously doubt that she will invite you to be a part of her cabinet when she’s elected President in 2012.

    This “might” have been more believable if you didn’t overdo the grammatical errors. As is, it reminds me of the left wings propensity to accuse the right of being hate mongers when they are so vitriolic that you and your ilk couldn’t say “Bless You” to Sarah if you saw her sneeze.

    • Elected President? LMAO!
      The vapid, shallow, ignorant, know nothing from Wasilla is a back country hick with a brain the size of a walnut.
      The suggestion that this illiterate, garbled stump wrote a 400-page book in four months is laughable. She can’t string together a single grammatically correct sentence with weeks of prep.
      Speaking of stupid, what made you think I wrote the excerpt? Apparently, much like your beloved Sarah, YOUR reading comprehension is almost non-existent.
      As for overdoing the grammar fail, all you have to do is go look at the tortured crap that actually comes out of the mouth, and from the pen, of Caribou Barbie to know it’s pretty much spot on. It’s tough to satirize imbecility.
      BTW, nice email address: slapmetilimsane. Would love to…have you got a few decades?
      Sarah Palin as president! ROFL!!! If I thought you had two nickels to rub together, I offer you a bet. I HOPE she runs – she won’t even make it out of the GOP primaries. The Republicans are stupid and desperate, but no one’s THAT stupid…well, except you.

  2. SA-RAH! SARAH! SA-RAH! Smarter than Hillary. Better looking than Hilary. For that matter, smarter than Barak. You’re right about one thing, though. I don’t have two nickles to rub together. I’m saving up to support illegal aliens, drug addicts and liberals who don’t work, but, rather teach at left wing colleges.

    • You mean the five year communications BA is smarter than a Yale law graduate?
      The former mayor of Wasilla, failed VP candidate and QUITTER governor is smarter than the Secretary of State?
      LOL. How do you get your head jammed that far up your ass?

  3. The left’s irrational, immediate, and uniform hate for this woman reveals a critical character flaw.

    Every student of politics sees it clearly, as history provides the playbook.

    Fear of the IDEAS so naked that they lose their composure and try to obliterate the SPEAKER.

    It is how they lost the 2004 Presidential Election.

    • Nothing irrational about it. I dislike stupid people. Especially stupid people who are too stupid to recognized their own stupidity, believe god has planned for them to succeed against all odds, view anyone with an education as some sort of elitist obstacle, and MOST ESPECIALLY those twisted hypocrites who exploit their children for personal and political gain and then whine when people point out how craven, ugly, vapid and desperate they are.
      “Every student of politics sees it clearly.” Really? Perhaps you should have spent more time studying logic before tossing out foolish fuckwitted assertions without any evidence whatsoever to back up such a moronic claim. Sarah Palin has no ideas – at least not any that wouldn’t fit on a bumper sticker. Eight years of Bush showed plainly enough what stupid gets you.

  4. You don’t like stupid people! Well, heckfire! Then come on over!!! Cousinavi, there is room for you in the Republican party! We welcome everybody. That’s lucky for me since I’m not eligible to be a democrat. My parents were married when I was born.

    • I suppose you consider that clever. Nah…I think I’ll pass. The idea of hanging out with such stalwart moral leading lights as Mike Duvall, Mark Sanford, John Ensign, David Vitter, Larry Craig, Vito Fossella, John David Roy Atchison, Mark Foley, Ted Haggard and Neil Horsely makes me a little nauseous.
      But you keep plugging away for Sarah. She hasn’t fucked a mule…yet. All she’s done is preach abstinence while her daughter was down the hall humping the local hockey stick so she could be exploited by her Momma. “If you can’t sell ’em abstinence, you can sell’em anti-abortion, you betcha. *wink* *smile*
      Nah. No room for me in the GOP. I can’t manage the blind rage, ignorant hate, hypocrisy and lies required to pass the entrance exam.

  5. Governor Palin may or may not have her own ideas; neither was my claim. The IDEAS she expresses to which I referred are classic and proven winners of national elections.

    The historic assertions are based upon the lessens of the recent 1980, 1984, 1996, 2000, 2004, and 2008 Presidential Elections in which the victor largely ignored their opponents in favor pitching their own right or wrong big ideas.

    The point is “eight years of Bush” rather than four years of Bush was the result of the left similarly losing their composure, due to their irrational and uniform hate of THE SPEAKER.

    Yes, that is what stupid born of irrational hate got you. Embrace your mistake, why it happened, and have the sense to learn from it.

    President Obama certainly did, running a campaign so similar to Reagan 1980 that even the press couldn’t help injecting Reagan as a theme.

    As the next election cycle approaches, President Obama’s biggest obstacle will be keeping the frothing, irrational left who haven’t internalized Saul Alinski’s playbook out of public view.

    Clearly, The President understands this but sometimes it is easier to RUN than to LEAD those that elected you and it will be interesting to see if he will be able to wink and nod his supporters back to the gameplan that requires composure.

    • LOL. Yeah…I see your point. I do seem to recall Ronnie wearing a red leather jacket he stole from Neimann Marcus after quitting his term as Gov of a minor league backwater halfway through his first term. The similarities don’t just end there – Palin is plainly one of the great speechifiers since Reagan: “Tear Down This Wall / Stop Rearing Your Head” are almost the same thing.
      Keep clinging to your last desperate hope. I’ll say it again: There’s NOTHING irrational about hating Sarah Fuckwit Moose Wolf Palin. What’s IRRATIONAL, and deeply saddening, is that there are so many stupid, brainless, backward, poorly educated hillbilly flyover yokels that think that talentless, vapid, winking hick stands a snowball’s chance in hell of surviving the primaries within her own party.

  6. Did you not understand that I compared the campaign of Reagan 1980 to that of Obama 2008, not Palin.

    Or is your obsession so blinding than, in addition to it possibly contributing to losing in 2004 and 2012, that it impairs your ability to read words on a monitor?

    The point is…Governor Palin is not the point. Her straw ratings among Republicans fall well below other potential candidates. Only the frothing, obsessive hate from the left can change that.

    As for my hopes, I have none that are either last, desperate, or include Governor Palin. From your profanity, name-calling, and obsession, I cannot say the same of you.

    • Comparing the campaign of Ronald Reagan to Obama is just myopic blither. The demographics are so stunningly incongruous as to render the idea ludicrous. The political philosophy behind the men, the campaigns and the candidacy could hardly be more diametrically opposed. That the idiot press draw lame parallels in order to have some hook on which to hang their yammering nonsense…well, if THAT’S the purchase you require to gave your foolishness a finger hold, good luck to you.
      Kerry in 04 was the result of Rove and his razor-taloned imps fucking about with the redneck demographic via swiftboat bullshit – the same redneck fuckwit horsecock that Sarah Palin HOPES to ride into the future.
      Sorry, son. The worm has turned on that vicious and unmitigated shit flinging. The Southern Strategy and all of its bastard children have been packed off to Texas, South Carolina, Mississippi and West Virginia. Best of luck predicting 2012 as a GOP comeback with that sort of reasoning.
      And don’t be fooled by my name calling. I just happen to enjoy using saltier language than you do. It’s not my “frothing, obsessive hate” for Palin that motivates it (I don’t hate HER…she amuses me, for the most part…I hate stupidity, which she possesses in spades, and I hate the drooling idiots that think she ought to be elected to public office).
      What motivates my tone, junior, is some brainless fuckwit (you) stumbling in here with “Obama is just like Reagan” foolishness. I understand you have an opinion. So does Dick Morris. You’re both idiots. So it goes.

  7. Cousinavi, you remind me of Bill Maher.

    • Bill hasn’t got half my education, nor a quarter of my wit. I don’t engage in the silly alternative health care bullshit he gets up to…but will still, despite your (in your shallow ignorance) intended insult, take that as a compliment.

  8. Toronto Dominion actually does have a bit of a point.

    You can argue that recent history has shown that when the Left attacks the stupidity of stupid people, the stupid people circle their waggons and it usually energizes the Republicans.

    As arguably the stupidest person to ever run for national office, I think Palin,will do reasonably well in 2012. The only way she won’t is if people stop attacking her and start ignoring her. As long as she has any public profile, and as long as her stupidity is a target, stupid people will see her as their saviour.

    Never underestimate the numbers and the power of the ignorant. Most of them would rather fight to the death to remain ignorant than become smarter.

  9. For a minute I thought the title read “Going Rouge” by Sarah Palin. But that might have been just a little too clever to be associated with her.

    • It makes no sense. Rouge?

      I remember watching a John Wayne movie in Nice…dubbed in French, eh?
      JW walks into the saloon and says, “Gimme four finger of whiskey.”
      But in Nice you hear, “Vin rouge!”
      Vin rouge? VIN ROUGE? RED WINE?
      Are you out of your fucking minds? Red Wine????
      John Wayne FUCKED anyone asked for vin rouge…cuz they were a BITCH!

      See posted definition of ROGUE.

  10. You know, I like her. I think a lot of other people like her. She’s a strong woman who has an aura of capability, common sense, conservative values and has demonstrated as a person in the Executive office, the wherewithall to get things done. Barak Obama came out of nowhere and got elected. Bill Clinton ran Arkansas like a banana republic and got elected. I hope and have an idea that the “sleeping giant” is finally awakened and doesn’t want the dems to seize their liberties, money, guns, etc. You all keep screaming about her being an idiot, but, I honestly don’t see that either. Biden’s an idiot. Hilary is senile. She must be. She couldn’t remember jack shit about the Rose Law Firm billing records, what really happened as she disembarked in Bosnia and according to Gary Aldrich is Queen Bitch of the Universe. I think it’s like Rush Limbaugh says, the left is scared to death of Sarah and hence the personal attacks. Won’t be long until they’re burning her in effigy. When they do, I expect to see cousinavi striking the match.

  11. Don’t have a cow, Cousinavi, I reread my post and am referring to the Executive office in Alaska.

  12. No, I’m not stunted. Actually I’m 5′ 10″. Now, why do you say that? Because I have the audacity to say I like Sarah? Invoked the name of Rush Limbaugh? Dissed Hideous Clinton? Brought up Biden’s lack of IQ? Run Al Gore again. Maybe he’ll make it THIS time.

    • Biden’s lack of IQ, eh? How desperate. Like you stand a chance agin Joe. Do you have ANY thoughts that weren’t caged from the shallow vapid fuckwit trio: Hannity, Beck, Limbaugh. Now there’s a combined education for you.
      What’s most embarrasing is how PROUD they are of their LACK of academic credentials. “I flunked 6th grade math…that makes me a real American!”
      5’10”. Shorty. How sad…under six feet.
      Fucking bitter penguin.
      6’3″ here. Wanna measure cocks now, Mr. Stunted Height?

  13. Cousinavi, check out this list of public enemies. Good old SaP comes in at number eight.
    http://fawksnews.wordpress.com/list-of-publicke-enemies-to-be-burnt-in-effigy/

  14. (Sarah Palin)… has an aura of capability, common sense, conservative values -DavisoftheApes1

    Fuck! I just spit-taked my morning tea all over my keyboard.

    Well, I guess ONE of those descriptions is right. See if anybody can guess which one.

    “Bill Clinton ran Arkansas like a banana republic” -Ibid.

    Arkansas IS a banana republic.

    “Biden’s an idiot”” -Ibid.

    I wouldn’t say that. I’d say Biden is a dork who flaps his mouth way too much because he loves the sound of his own voice. Gore often suffers from the same problem.

    I think it’s like Rush Limbaugh says, the left is scared to death of Sarah

    That’s just hilarious. Sarah Palin is about as scary as a retarded puppy dressed like a slutty flight attendant. If you are scared of Sarah Palin, you probably dive for cover when Mr Rogers comes on TV.

    See, this is the kind of head game the Limbaughs of the world play on their own followers. He knows she is the brunt of attacks and he also knows she deserves it. Instead of trying to refute the claims, he prefers to preform a judo flip. Instead of admitting her faults, he says the Left is attacking her because “they’re scared to death of her”. (note: the “to death” part is important because it implies ultimate victory over the enemy)

    By insisting it’s fear of her, it projects onto her an image that isn’t there, but one his audience wants to see. If she is feared, she must be strong and capable. She must have the ability to win. The more criticism she gets, the more afraid the Left must be. The more they fear her, the stronger she must be…especially if she just keeps coming back for more with that goofy smile on her face. Her weakness has become her strength. The criticism of her just makes her stronger, at least among a certain audience.

    When you are weak and stupid, you often identify with public figures who get criticized for being stupid because you’ve probably been criticized for being stupid all your life. If somebody turns this into a sign of strength, “the haters are scared of her”, it gives you somebody to rally around. Their success becomes your success. If she’s a winner, you’re a winner too….even if you’re a stupid loser.

    So you throw what little brainpower you have out the window, put your blind faith into her and throw yourself behind her success. But, in reality, her success is not your success.

  15. I still stand behind what I said no matter what kind of insults you whiny bastards hurl. I believe Sarah will do well in 2012. That is, if the country is still around in 2012. If Barry doesn’t succeed in destroying us all before the mid term elections in 2010, we’ll probably regain a majority in the House at least. Since you cocksuckers currently have control in both the House and the Senate, what’s holding back the coronation?

    Obama, Harry and Nancy better get their shit together before Ahmedinejad gets worked up enough to try to make good on his threats. He’s already telling them (and us) to go piss up a rope. I don’t believe the democrats have the balls to do anything about it but piss and moan and wring their hands. In fact, between the two, Mahmoud probably “IS” afraid of Sarah. Your president doesn’t appear to be eager to engage since he won’t even talk to his military commander in Afghanistan.

    • Yeah, what a shame we abandoned torture, lying, spying on our own citizens without warrant, locking people up without habeous corpus.
      Maybe you can get Liz Cheney to take the VP slot.
      Now run along, you ignorant fuckwit. It’s time for your dose of Rush.

  16. ” I don’t believe the democrats have the balls to do anything about it but piss and moan and wring their hands.” -Davisoftheapes1

    Just like the prediction Slutty Flight Attendant Barbie will do well in 2012, this statement is also correct.

    The Democrats barely have a testicle between them, as witnessed by the Healthcare reform debacle. When you control both houses of Congress and the Presidency but still can’t get anything done, you are bunch of fucking pansies.

  17. When you are weak and stupid, you often identify with public figures who get criticized for being stupid because you’ve probably been criticized for being stupid all your life. If somebody turns this into a sign of strength, “the haters are scared of her”, it gives you somebody to rally around. Their success becomes your success. If she’s a winner, you’re a winner too….even if you’re a stupid loser.

    Sedate Me, I think you’ve hit it right on the head (where, fortunately, it won’t do much damage).

    Oh, Avi, btw – I think it’s spelled “‘Merican”.

  18. Oh, yeah, I never thought of that!

    Now to get it on a t-shirt (could probably market to the same people who think it’s spelled “morans”).

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