Attention: Taiwan Broadband Corporation – TBC

Dear Taiwan Broadband Corporation:

I hate you. No…wait. I fucking hate you and want to stab you with sharp things until you stop screaming.
What the fuck is wrong with you? Really. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

You CLAIM to be a cutting edge internet, phone, whatever the hell you think you are company serving Taiwan…but you can’t manage to produce a fucking television commercial that doesn’t come screaming out of my television at 130 decibels.
TBC! TBC! TBC! TBC! SUCK MY COCK! SUCK MY COCK! DIE IN A FIRE! YOU DIRTY RAT BASTARDS!!!

Listen…let me explain something to you. Sometimes, I fall asleep on the sofa while watching television. I adjust the volume so it can hear it if I want to listen, or ignore it if I want to sleep. Can you possibly imagine my reaction to having your cunting bastard fuckwitted spots come screaming into my living room at three times regular volume?
DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME WANT TO DO BUSINESS WITH YOU?
In case sarcastic rhetorical questions are lost on you, the answer is NO.
It makes me want to burn down your corporate head office while skinning your board of directors alive as I ask them over and over, “Do you want to see your own intestines? Well, I DO!”

Apparently, you’ve made the boneheaded mistake of listening to some idiot who told you that making your commercial LOUDER than anything else on TV will effectively draw more attention – it will make your ad STAND OUT FROM THE REST, and thus be MORE EFFECTIVE.
And he’s right. It does stand out, and it’s very effective…if what you want to achieve is to make me infinitely fucking angry and determined to extract revenge on you ignorant, cockheaded bastards for inflicting your stupid, blaring, screaming, rock concert volume BULLSHIT on my ears five times an hour, every hour I happen to have my television on.

So, TBC, GO FUCK YOURSELVES! I hate you.
I will never…NEVER…buy a goddamn thing from you. If I find out I happen to be utilizing a service with which you are even remotely associated, I will STOP, demand a refund, and explain clearly why your cohorts are losing a customer.
YOU SUCK. You’re stupid, plainly incompetent, and the sooner your bullshit, asshole company fails the happier I’ll be.

Die..die…DIE, you motherless fucks,
Cousin Avi

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