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Making Leigh Scott Tell the Truth

Leigh Scott wrote this piece for Big Hollywood.

Among other contemptibly backward attempts at cynicism, he writes:

What struck me from a few hours of watching leftist television and reading leftist gobbledygook is how far detached from reality these people are. It’s not a simple case of them having a few points wrong, or looking at things from a bizarrely biased perspective; they truly make statements and cling to ideas that have no basis in reality. As conservatives struggle to find apt metaphors to explain their opponent’s mindsets and delusions, I think I may have figured it out.

The left in our country is high. Completely stoned out of their minds.

The bit is just a bunch of flippant crap – an imbecilic effort at satire and a failed attempt at preserving his cognitive dissonance.
For something so flagrantly and violently boneheaded, it takes surprisingly little work to make Scott tell the truth. So I fixed it for him.
With the exception of simple word replacements – conservative for liberal and the like, the repairs appear in bold:

Mr. President, Don’t Bother Offering the GOP a Toke

After a long day at work, I decided to unwind with a little internet and cable television. Politics and punditry are my hobby, not my main source of income, so I indulge in a little cable news and internet sites as time permits. I’ve always felt it important to see the world outside the “echo chamber” of like-minded folks but I live in Taiwan, so my television sits for far too many hours on CNN and the Huffington Post, Hot Air, George Will, Politico, Michelle Malkin, Little Green Footballs, Drudge, Sarah Palin for President, The New Republic, David Frum, Breitbart, Fox News, Storm Front, Prison Planet and Colbert Nation, among others are bookmarked.

What strikes me from hours of watching conservative propaganda and reading right-wing gobbledygook is how far detached from reality these people are. It’s not a simple case of them having a few points wrong, or looking at things from a bizarrely biased perspective; they truly make statements and cling to ideas that have no basis in reality. As liberals struggle to find apt metaphors to explain their opponent’s mindsets and delusions, I think I may have figured it out.

The right in our country is insane. So completely backward as to render themselves, on all the evidence, incapable of distinguishing right from wrong. They are a demonstrated danger to themselves, and very clearly to others.

I’ve worked with conservatives. I’ve dated Born Again Christians – young earth creationists. Lawyers. Doctors. Waitresses. I’ve lived with right wingers. I know conservatives inside and out and I can tell you, without a doubt, that the GOPosaur is completely fucking nuts.

Right-wingers always think that they are smarter than they really are. Copious amounts of money trick the brain into thinking that the most banal thought is somehow a stroke of genius. Just listen to a bunch of rich people debate philosophy and metaphysics. The most ridiculous comments take on the sort of presumed truth, a manifest destiny that is frighteningly biblical in style. Morons think that they are right after collecting their stock options, taking their $100 million bonus, getting away with torture, lying the country into war and obstructing health care for all with lies.

Conservatives live for the moment. They are all about profit, not facts. They possess a detached sense of cause and effect. I recall one specific episode when I came home and tore into my conservative roommate for torturing the neighbor’s cat. His response was simple. See, the real problem wasn’t his torturing the cat, but my reaction to it. I was far too fucking pissed off about the situation and couldn’t see that it was really necessary and there sure as hell haven’t been any more cats around. What we should do, to solve the torture problem, was max out the credit cards, borrow every dollar we could lay hands on, get some guns and shoot up the neighborhood. Once everyone understood how things are going to be done around here, it would calm down and we’d get back to making money. Jesus wills it.

Eight years and two wars later, I’m still furious. He feels great. To the conservative, everything was fixed. Problem solved! Unfortunately, the cat was still tortured and the neighbors want to kill us. My crazy roommate still says it was not only a good idea, but that we should be out there torturing cats as a matter of policy.

Conservatives never emerge from their almost religious world view. Part of being a true conservative is the ability to remain certain. True conservatives never really question the premise. I’ve dealt with lawyers and stock brokers, pastors and politicians, but conservatives are all alike. The congressman and the governor will get caught in the mens room or Argentina, then apologize profusely for their conduct; until, of course, the next time they reveal their hypocrisy. The conservative always exists in a dream like world of lucre induced euphoria. They do not see their almost absolute failure and stubborn cognitive dissonance as a problem, but instead, as a heightened sense of persecution and moral certainty.

Lastly, conservatives never have their own money. Remember those 401K’s you were planning on retiring on? How about everything you own if you get sick from a “pre-existing condition”? Chances are good that your conservative roommate has stock in the company that will get a bailout, while you just lost your job at a company that had invested the pension plan in Triple-A rated derivatives…the company that provided your health care.
Sure, they promise to “hook you up” as soon as they get a chance to let some “trickle down”, but it never happens. Conservatives have a bizarre, anti-social logic that dictates that everything exists for their personal exploitation. Your home, your job, your health all exist as means of profit. To demand basic health care for everyone, paid for by the society in which we all live, is an offense to the “conservative code.”

With this in mind, how can one not see the recent doings in Washington as anything but petulant, obstructionist lying and footstomping? Lying about death panels, health care in Canada, killing old people? Conservative insanity. Birthers? Conservative insanity. Government run torture? Conservative insanity. Drill, baby, drill? Conservative insanity.

I can picture Sarah Palin and Eric Cantor lying on a bean bag, listening to Pink Floyd’s song Money and totally NOT getting the sarcasm, while watching Leave it to Beaver and dreaming up domestic and foreign policy.
”You know who those town hall protesters remind me of? Patriots, man. They’re freakin real Americans.” (Cough. Cough. Giggle. Giggle). “What if we crank up them up to batshit with utter lies and prevent anyone from even trying to fix the fucking mess we made, and then we can point and blame Obama?”
”Dick, that’s totally awesome. Oh! Hey! I really love this line…”but keep your hands offa myy-yyyy stack!”

You’d be hard pressed to find any other rational explanation for a large group of people who discard decades of historical evidence, common sense, and basic moral decency other than massive amounts of greed…and insanity.

I don’t think the whole Racist, Free Market, Nazi analogy is stretching it a bit. Dick Cheney has the self discipline of a Joseph Goebbels. Rush Limbaugh wishes that he was as omni-present and effective as a Heinrich Himmler. Bush had the focus of a Kim Jong Il, but man, it’s tough to stay on track when Osama is still free, Katrina is fucked, two wars, economic collapse and the “Coalition of the Willing” no longer counts the Dominican Republic among its members. Have you guys been to the DR? That’s where Rushbo goes to take Viagra.

Conservatives are gearing up to do battle with an army of statist fascists – to loose their insanity, unrestrained upon the land – and their up against a bunch of people who keep trying to talk to them reasonably.

Obama is no Stalin, or even Tommy Douglas. Face it, he’s black.

“He was born in this country…as far as I know.”
Hey, isn’t that one of Sarah Palin’s campaign slogans?

Sadly for us, we live in a world where conservative nonsense is taken as gospel by the media and a large segment of the population. I think it’s fair to say that McCain captured the racist vote in 2008, but few of us expected him to continuing whining from the wrong side of whatever desperate, craven dementia that motivated him to nominate Caribou Barbie.

The best way to deal with conservatives is not to simply let them go about their business, and never trust them with anything important. Ever. My conservative roommate was a source of endless frustration and embarrassment, but we were smart enough to never trust him to take care of the pets. We need to keep these liars, torturers, thieves…these myopic, certain, blithering children…out of power as long as possible.

If we don’t, we’re all fucked.

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2 Responses

  1. YOU SAID IT RIGHT, BROTHER

  2. Where exactly is this Leftist Television and how can I get my hands on it? Because I pay through the nose for 500 channels and almost all of it stinks like steaming hot pigshit. At any given time, I’m lucky if there’s anything on these 500 channels that I can tolerate, never mind enjoy.

    The “news” is a combination of car crashes, celebrity, corporate advertorial and barking mad pundits who, if you’re lucky, balance each other out. If you’re unlucky, it’s just outright right wing propaghanda.

    “Entertainment” generally is a combination of a couple over-hyped, poorly written, crime shows that are endlessly photocopied until the copier breaks down and shows that consist of cameras following around insane fame-whores who endlessly bark at each other in ludicrously contrived situations. “Sports” largely consist of vastly overpaid, coked up, steroid takers filling in gaps between commercials by running around/over ads in equipment often covered with ads and -during the increasing longer off-field segments- spout out endless cliches, macho hyperbole, or thanks to corporate sponsors.

    Is there any TV out there for a good leftist to enjoy? Maybe I should just get high and watch The Teletubbies.

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