Teabaggers Can Suck Lemons

MadMonq posted a comment in Teabags Laced with Insanity.
Apparently Glenn Beck is taking his sick shtick on the road:

The White Trash Comedy Tour

A fucking comedy tour?
Like Bill O’Reilly I think Beck will do anything so long as it makes him think people like him.
O’Reilly wanted to be a real journalist but took the short road through tabloid journalism. Now he’s the guy from the movie “Network” Beck? Rupert Pupkin in real life.
Their desperation is evident in each breath.

I shudder to imagine the sort unhinged rant Beck considers “comedy”.
Nothing more than a imbecilic jester shouting paranoid delusions at an audience full of rednecks looking for an excuse to scream their darkest victim fantasies in public and have a yammering buffoon nod and grin back at them.
It’s like a loop of crazy with a giant copper coil on the stage, amping it up with every circuit.
Frankly, I’d like to see some sort of counter protest organized in the NetRoots for each and every appearance. Since they seem to dig the teabag icon (and we want to avoid extending the testicular imagery if for no other reason than to avoid seeing Richard Quest go into total dildo boot meltdown on CNN), perhaps lemons would be appropriate.

The humble lemon has much going for it. It’s sour, representing the taste they have in their mouths after the solid drubbing they took in the election. It’s yellow – matching the streak down teabagger’s backs.
The word bespeaks the quality of the cars coming out of Detroit, and it recalls the old cliche about making lemonade when life gives you lemons – a concept these teabagging scrotes could stand to get their obstructionist, tantrum throwing heads around.

Pelt the fuckers with lemons in slow citrus drive-bys at their rallies! Squirt guns loaded with lemon juice! Bags of lemons, one each to anyone attending a Glenn Beck comedy show. Be sure to bring extra to pelt Beck – there’s a long tradition on the stage of hurling fruit at talentless assclowns. Plus, all things considered, it’s healthy – after a diet of crow, they can suck them to fight off scurvy…and to get the taste of ball sweat out of their mouths.

Suspect seen fleeing Tea Party.  Do not approach - considered sour and juicy.

Suspect seen fleeing Tea Party. Do not approach - considered sour and juicy.

5 Responses

  1. better to ignore the show, but then post the most outrageous material of it on youtube when he crosses the line- It’s much more effective if he hangs himself than if we try to do it.

    • Every single thing Beck says or does is already posted to YouTube, by both those mocking and those supporting.
      As I said over at Cesca’s, there’s no rational response to this sort of madness.
      Remember big, mad Kenny? Yammering about cameras hidden in his underwear? There’s no way anyone could have said, “Hang on a sec…let’s look at this rationally,” and expected to him to come back with, “Yeah…you’re right. Perhaps I should re-examine the facts here.”
      The problem with Beck is that he’s not even a pressure release valve for the mad bastards. He amps them up, tells them they’re right to be afraid and angry, and incites them to violence.
      Doing nothing about it leaves Beck on an open field stoking up an army of ignoramuses. Arguing with him only justifies his paranoia and dignifies his position. Countering his arguments is pointless – there’s no reasoning with alternate realities.
      Fuck it. If it’s war he wants, then maybe it ought to be war he gets.

  2. Hurl nutrition at them.

    I like it.

  3. I was going to suggest putting two kiwis (approx right size) into a ‘tea bag’ made from coffee filter paper, but I like the idea of lemons. Lemon juice definitely cuts the ball sweat taste better.

  4. @ Git

    KIWIS? …approximately the right size???
    WTF? You, sir, clearly have balls the size of…well, kiwis…
    I hope you keep your pants on at the rodeo – save embarrassing the bulls.

    Reminds me of the time I took my GF and her son to the circus. One of the trained stallions had a massive erection (and I do mean massive). The boy pointed and asked, “Mommy…what’s that?”
    Angela blushed and stuttered, “That…that…that’s nothing. Ask Avi.”
    He repeated the question. I told him to ask his mother. He replied, “I did. She said it was nothing.”
    I said, “Well, that’s because your mother is spoiled.”

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