Bill Posey’s Grandmother Fucked an Alligator

Florida congressman Bill Posey, in an effort to prevent any future shenanigans over whether or not a candidate for president is an American citizen, introduced a bill to require anyone seeking the office to produce an official birth certificate.

Stephen Colbert responded by demanding DNA tests to prove that Florida congressmen are not part alligator.  According to Colbert, Bill Posey’s grandmother allegedly fucked one of the reptiles.  The rumor goes that after a hurricane back in 1928, Posey’s grandma got stuck with a gator, fell in love and “the swamp rang with her screams of ecstasy.”

Posey, who found no support for his bill – not even from fellow Republicans – is apparently not impressed with the request that he submit to DNA testing.

“I expected there would be some civil debate about it, but it wasn’t civil,” Posey said. “Just a bunch of name-calling and personal denigration. … There is no reason to say that I’m the illegitimate grandson of an alligator.”

Illegitimate?  Methinks Posey protesteth too much!  What a giveaway!
Now I want to see a marriage certificate for the alligator and the grandmother.  I also want legislation to prevent Congressman Posey from swinging his powerful, scaly tail around…someone could get hurt.

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17 Responses

  1. Why oppose a simple bill to prove you meet the qualifications to be President? You have to show your birth certificate to get your first driver’s license, you have to show ID to buy a beer or pack of cigarettes, you have to show ID to cash a paycheck, why not show some ID to become President? It is the only logical choice to ensure that Presidential candidates are actually American born citizens.

    • I have no problem with proving the Consitutional requirements for the office. I do, however, have a problem with sixteen varieties of wingnut running around insisting that Obama hasn’t already done so; that he was born in Kenya; that he’s a Muslim…

  2. Actually, he hasn’t. What he has done is spend almost $1,000,000 to block any requirement that he show his birth certificate, what he did show was a counterfeited certifaicate of live birth which is not exactly or legally the same, he has blocked his tra el reecords which would she that he traveled to Indonesia in 1982 to renew his Indonesian citizenship, which probably required renouncing his American citizenship at the time in question, then traveling to Pakistan in 1982 when Americans were banned from going to Pakistan, he has worked hard to block his school records which may show that he applied to go to school on a student visa or for foreign student aid. While there may be some logical reason that is less than nefarious for Obama’s decision to hide these things from the public, we won’t really know until he does show them.

    • Oh for fuck sakes…you’re one of those.
      Counterfeit? “Exactly or legally”? (I bet you’re right up to speed on the specific legal requirements for a document to be recognized as a legitimate certificate of birth.)
      “Probably required”…?
      You’re not only a ridiculous mix of Glenn Beck imbecility and Alex Jones paranoia, but you toss is some Michelle Bachmann fuckwittery and a dash of Sean Hannity ignorance for spice, eh? You really have to get past the idiotic conspiracy theories and the utterly brainless notion that Obama is some sort of Manchurian candidate. While I’ve no doubt you think you’re onto something – just too smart to be fooled by those cagey New World Order operators, the fact of the matter is that there’s very little separating you from the nut screaming in public that the parking meters are CIA monitoring devices which are reading your thoughts.

    • Thanks for that breath of sanity. Mark. Of course, presenting rational evidence to the teabagger crowd ain’t gonna get anyone anywhere.

  3. The parking meters are NOT monitoring devices reading my thoughts, but squirrels are. The liberal media, the MSM and the cabal of Jews that control it are keeping you stupid so you won’t figure out that Osamabama, financed exclusively by George Soros, is sending ACORN to take your guns away and put you in FEMA camps where you will be indoctrinated by Jeremiah Wright to recite “goddamn American” while you travel with Bill Ayers, stopping only to bow to the Saudis, on your way to officially, using powerful body language, abandon Israel and hand it to the Muslims. (Which, come to think of it, isn’t a good way for old Soros to spend his money.)

    An actual birth certificate would put this entire controversy to rest. And we’ll need the birth doctor, some DNA from the birth, some current DNA for comparison, and the name of the notary public who signed off on this whole mess.

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going teabagging.

  4. To the clowns that still think Obama is not a U.S. citizen, here is how it works.

    To be placed on the ballot in each of the fifty states you have to prove to each State’s Secretary of State that you meet the constitutional requirements to be President. If you do not provide the required documentation, you will not be placed on the ballot. President Obama has held a U.S. Passport for a very long time. The U.S. state department does not issue those to non U.S. citizens. So the U.S. state department and the SoSs of all fifty state say that you idiots are wrong. The Special Olympics should have a debating contest. You guys could enter and lose. Watching you people obsess over this issue without investigating how one gets on the ballot stopped being entertaining several months ago. How do you feed yourselves? I don’t see how you can find your way to and from a grocery store.

    BTW, a birth certificate by itself is inadequate to prove U.S. Citizenship. There is only one document that can be used by itself to prove U.S. citizenship and that is a Passport. The President has one of those.

    Bill Posey is either the dull witted offspring of hot alligator action, or he is just another knuckle dragging inbred moron. In either case he should stop wasting the legislatures time with stupid fucking bullshit.

    Yeah, I’m one of those socialist liberal elitists you’ve heard so much about. Stay the hell out of my socialist public schools and libraries. Stay off my socialist public roads and don’t you dare call my socialist police and fire departments. Go Galt and leave us the hell alone.

    To cousinavi: Nice post bro!

  5. Getting back to Posey for a moment, I do want to speak our against the inflammatory things Colbert said about Posey’s grandmother. Colbert, having been raised Catholic himself, should be fully aware that not all girls go all the way just because some cute beast waves a little tail in front of them. No, some of these girls, like Posey’s grandmother, simply find release through oral sex.

    That’s right, Posey’s grandmother was a croc sucker.

    Proclaim it loud and proclaim it proud, Posey, “My grandmother did not have sex with that ‘gator!”

  6. Some of your readers might be aware of the controversial theories of David Ickes. This rumor about Posey is no laughing matter! If he really has no reptilian blood in him, why won’t he submit a DNA sample?

  7. Jesus fucking christ, McCain was born in Panama and nobody cared. You stupid theocons won’t let this drop because The Geezer and the MILF lost to a black man with a foreign name. We should have demanded a completed IQ test from W before letting him run.

    • Yeah…McCain was born in Panama. But born to the son of a US Naval Officer stationed on an American base in a foreign country. There was never any question whatsoever about McCain’s citizenship. Of course, there isn’t any question about Obama’s either…but dragging up Panama doesn’t advance that argument.

  8. Actually, there are a few questions about Obama’s citizenship.
    1. His Paternal Grandmother says she attended the birth in Kenya.
    2. Obama and his sister differ on which hospital he was born at in Hawaii.
    3. He was adopted by an Indonesian, listed as having dual citizenship with American and Indonesian citizenships, then traveled to Indonesia in 1981, renewed his Indonesian passport, traveled to Afghanistan, which didn’t allow Americans and which America had travel bans to. Indonesia at that time did not allow dual citizenship so would have required Obama to renew his citizenship, including renouncing his American citizenship.
    4. Occidental College in California just leaked Obama’s school records, he was listed as a “foreign” student, and recieved foreign aid.
    5. He has spent close to $1,000,000 to avoid showing a $20 birth certificate, he did show a certificate of live birth, but it did not show the hospital, doctor, time, weight, sex, which is what the actual birth certificate would have shown.
    So there are still questions regarding his citizenship. McCain had to prove himself before the election, why not Obama?

    • You’re an idiot.
      McCain did not have to prove anything – he was born to a serving parent on an American base. The statute is clear.
      Various states have widely divergent regulations for information contained in a birth certificate. There was no requirement that the various items you list be entered on a Hawaiian birth certificate.
      This issue has been dealt with, and all attempts to litigate it dismissed by judges appointed by BUSH.
      You tinfoil hat conspiracy freaks with your stupid Manchurian Muslim president theories are a joke – a stain on the idea of reason, evidence and jurisprudence. You’re too fucking ignorant to figure out how divorced from reality, pointless, pathetic and sad your argument is, and by extension how sad, pathetic and moronic you are.
      Go read the snopes link posted above, and stop listening to Glenn Beck.

  9. “McCain did not have to prove anything – he was born to a serving parent on an American base. The statute is clear.”
    You are right, the statute is clear, but McCain was pressured by the media until he did provide the proof.
    “Various states have widely divergent regulations for information contained in a birth certificate. There was no requirement that the various items you list be entered on a Hawaiian birth certificate.”
    Wrong. Birth Certificates are official documents, to be used for identification purposes nationwide, for that reason certain information is required. That required information is the child’s name, sex, race, date of birth, time of birth, foot print, the hospital’s name and location, the attending doctor, the parents’ names and address. There are variations, by state, that might or might not include the parents marital status, relgion and the father’s employment. The basic requirements were required on Hawaii’s birth certifiactes at the time, they were not required on certificates of live birth, which are completely different and the certificate of live birth is what Obama showed.
    “This issue has been dealt with, and all attempts to litigate it dismissed by judges appointed by BUSH.”
    The issue has NOT been dealt with. It has been dismissed without ever being heard using the claim that the petitioner had “no standing” to bring the case to court. There has been absolutely no “litigation” on the matter as of yet.
    “You tinfoil hat conspiracy freaks with your stupid Manchurian Muslim president theories are a joke – a stain on the idea of reason, evidence and jurisprudence. You’re too fucking ignorant to figure out how divorced from reality, pointless, pathetic and sad your argument is, and by extension how sad, pathetic and moronic you are.”
    I never said he was a “Manchurian Muslim president.” I said he has yet to prove that he is a citizen of the United States, these are two different issues. Your “highly reasoned and rational” argument, combined with language that is obviously designed to repress any opposition with requiring any evidence on your part, which comes in very handy since you present absolutely no evidence, clearly indicates exactly who is ignorant and divorced from reality. When you have no “facts” you can always rely on name-calling and trash talk, it is a typical far-left tactic.

    • How does one get a US passport?
      Do you really think the GOP didn’t dig all the way to the bottom of that? That IF there were any way this was some sort of legitimate issue; there had been some way they could have disqualified Obama, that they would have passed it up? Of course! Because only really smart, skeptical people with the brains and insight YOU so clearly possess in vast and unmeasurable depth are possibly capable of ferreting out the massive cover up.
      This issue has been dealt with. It’s over. The only people (read YOU) who cling to this bit of moronic crap are those for whom there could be no sufficient evidence.
      Barack Obama was born in Hawaii. The matter has not been litigated – you’re correct – because it has been dismissed on three separate occasions: Once for lack of standing, once for failure to meet the evidentiary threshold to raise the issue as a matter of law, and once as A WASTE OF THE COURTS TIME / VEXATIOUS LITIGATION (and for which sanctions were applied by the court).
      I call you a tinfoil hat conspiracy freak, an asshole, a moron and all those other names because the shoe so comfortably fits. You’re no different in your delusions and the death grip with which you cling to them than the 9/11 truthers who insist that Colin Powell’s brother-in-law was responsible for wiring the towers for a controlled demoltion…yammering about thermite particles found in dust four months later eight blocks from the site.
      Now fuck off, and save the “name-calling is all you lefties have” – the burden of proof is not on me. You claim he’s not a citizen in DIRECT CONTRAVENTION of ALL the available evidence. To the claimant falls the burden, and something someone said they heard someone else say about being born in Kenya is called hearsay for reason, you pathetic fucking dolt.
      It’s either some form of twisted psychological projection or utterly dishonest argument…perhaps both. Ignorant? LOL. For fuck sakes, boy…you’re obstinate, willfully blind and not quite bright enough to ever get your head around it.

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