This Looks Like A Job for Limbaugh

Having lost the oval office in a landslide, taken a dive in Congress, barely hanging on with a rubbery-legged rope-a-dope in the Senate…
After the embarrassment of the Palin vice-presidential nomination and the torture of Bobby Jindal’s full-retard fib-fest…
After witnessing a thoughtful, insightful, intelligent, educated, literate, competent president riding a wave of popularity on all metrics replace a bumbling, myopic, smirking, lying, naughty little frat boy moron who was finally chased out of Washington under threat of single digit approval numbers…
After providing rousing ovations to Joe the Plumber and some 13-year-old home-schooled genetics experiment between Phyllis Schlafly and Charlton Heston at CPAC, the GOP were looking for a saviour.

The buzz had been building. Someone…like a Reagan, but a Reagan for today. You remember Ronald Reagan. An actor – trained at appearing to be whatever would sell tickets, played second fiddle to a chimpanzee (which, as far as I can tell, never ate anyone’s face…and might have saved us all a lot of trouble if they’d had primate Prozac back then. Sadly, after a few hours on set, Bonzo would smoke some Acapulco Gold, suck down a pitcher of banana daiquiris and pass out on the casting couch. And back in those days, what happened on the casting couch was not a matter of public record, like airport mensrooms). Where was I? CPAC, Reagan…a saviour.

Reagan ushered in the return of those Nixonian fucktards Dick Cheney and Don Rumsfeld. Sure, that brought us Iran-Contra, among other greasy traumatic events leading all the way to Gitmo, but they were heady times for Republicans and there’s nothing so appealing to Republicans as the good old days.
Who could save the party from political irrelevancy? There must be some salable puff of shallow buffoonery that could, you know, talk good and make them believe that the good days are not gone forever. You know…someone like Wilfred Brimley but smart like Ann Coulter.

“Look! Up on the stage!” someone shouted.
“What’s that?”
“It’s a bird!”
“It’s a plane!”
“Look at the SIZE of it! It’s a fucking BLIMP!”
“It’s RUSH!”

Yes, Rush Limbaugh will save the GOP from itself. You see, it’s not that the majority of the population has rejected the ideas (or lack thereof) and management style (or lack thereof) of Republicanism and trickle-down economics…or that those ideas have resulted in the near destruction of a once great and powerful nation, dimmed Reagan’s shining beacon on the hill, wrecked the global economy and both increased the number of enemies and emboldened their commitment to enmity…no, not at all. Those are, apparently, mere symptoms.
The terminal disease, according to Limbaugh, is that Republicans have drifted away from an unquestioning belief in and commitment to those core principles.
Much like prayer and clapping for Tinkerbell, it is not that the activity is a pointless waste of time, unlikely to yield any positive results…if it doesn’t work, that’s because you didn’t BELIEVE in it sufficiently.

But what are those core principles? Small government, fiscal restraint and personal responsibility.
After eight years of bigger and bigger GOP government, spending like a junkie on a shopping spree, refusing to answer Congressional subpoenas and handing out executive privilege with Pez dispensers, including to Dick Cheney and his minions, despite them not being part of the executive branch (according the Cheney)…
At what point dies the threat to return to their core principles have any meaning beyond satire?
They have either shifted principles or abandoned them, but a call to find the center in the wake of such a monstrously chaotic clusterfuck as two terms of George W. Bush is impractical, stupid and likely both.

Andrew Breitbart, in his inimitable Limbaugh ball-nuzzling style, twists both the mainstream media’s chuckling “are you serious?” response, and the netroots “Holy sweet blessed fuck…they’re SERIOUS!” response as variations on the same Librul Media mythology.

On the other hand, the “drive-by media” – as Mr. Limbaugh aptly refers to his business competition and ideological foes – portrayed a completely different event.

Clearly taking their cues from Mr. Obama – as well as Democratic leaders Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid – the Fourth Estate, without the benefit of a Frank Luntz focus group or an instant poll, immediately labeled the speech as “angry” and alienating to “moderate voters.”

The text of Limbaugh’s speech is available here.
I have no desire to pick through it – it’s a pack of painful, twisted, lying imbecility complete with parenthetical indications of where the faithful properly hit the laugh marks. Nevertheless, the simple, plain text of Limbaugh’s speech reveals the man to be untruthful.
He acknowledges that he is seen as a pompous, racist, bigoted, hypocrite, and then launches into a pompous, racist, bigoted explanation of why that is not so…even going so far as to accuse the “Democrat” party (the refusal to correctly identify them as the DemocratIC party a repeated and childish bit of spittle) of being the real racists.
Rush…and only the Great Limbaugh could ramble for 80 solid minutes and never really say anything…stacked up his entire speech with unquestioned premises, accepted wisdom, prevailing local winds, sacred cows, and appeals to Republican puppies and kittens.

“Do you want to succeed?” (YES!)
“Do you want America to fail?” (NO!)

It’s rather pathetic, really…and not a promising sign for America’s future…that the GOP has been reduced to multi-level marketing sales seminars conducted by a fat, college-drop out sex tourist who traffics in racist, homophobic, sexist hatred, fear and lies.

Rush Limbaugh, despite what he says, is not interested in uniting America. He is interested in uniting those who agree with Rush in order to get back the power they lost to the 70 million Americans who VOTED to be finished with their ridiculous bullshit.

Breitbart continues with the stock in trade mythology:

The netroots, the mainstream media’s devious protector from its left flank (e.g., the Huffington Post, Media Matters and the Daily Kos) also opined as if they had witnessed a hate crime.

Anonymous liberal commentators, the rabid pests of the new media, sought out the most popular conservative blogs to flood the zone with familiar Rush Limbaugh slanders. Their goal: To demoralize the right with layer upon layer of media domination. Only talk radio with its emphasis on Socratic debate over raw emotionalism and with Mr. Limbaugh in the driver’s seat has escaped the left’s clutches of pure media dominance.

Emphasis on Socratic debate? Jumped up Jesus on skis! One wonders of Breitbart knows who Socrates was, or what a fucking debate is.
Socrates, Andrew…you stupid mush-headed Rush-freak…ASKED QUESTIONS. Socrates, you backward, blithering ignoramus, LISTENED to the answers. The only question Rush Limbaugh ever asked was rhetorical and, if designed at all for an answer, for himself to field.
As for debate, the term implies a reasoned exposition of ideas before witnesses. Limbaugh has no ideas – he has punchlines to stale material about Donovan McNab, “feminazis”, “bitches”, and an all too ready explanation of why former Secretary of State and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Colin Powell might endorse Barack Obama instead of a senile, hot-headed adulterer like John McCain (shining military service notwithstanding).

Lee Stranahan wrote a piece for HuffPo basically arguing that it doesn’t matter whether you agree with Rush or not…it gets us nowhere to say “Rush hates America.”
At a bare minimum, Stranahan tries to make the point that Rush is arguing from principle – that he really believes his take on the best path IS the best path, and he is (agreeable or not) a patriot.
I close by replaying my reply to Lee, posted on Bob Cesca’s blog:

It’s not that Rush hates America, he just has a truly fucked up notion of what America is.
He laments the fact that Obama says ‘there are dark days and tough times ahead,’ which (one presumes) flies in the face of the core assumption that America is the greatest country on earth, land of the free, home of the brave and there’s nothing we cannot do if we just stick to our core principles of beating up fags, killing commies and ragheads, and let the unregulated market pour increasing amounts of profit from exploited labour into the pockets of fat, college drop-out sex tourists.
Nevertheless, Lee’s point that Rush doesn’t hate America remains true, just sadly myopic. Loving Rush’s America is sort of like having a crush on Disneyland. It only looks grand from the outside. When you get in there and they charge you $6 for a bottle of water, and some pedophile in a Goofy suit molests your kids, you realize that the only people who are seriously making an effort to defend the external fantasy are the water vendors and the folks down at NAMBLA.
Limbaugh’s version of America – the America he loves and wants to defend against the likes of Obama and his imaginary liberal hordes – is an America in which the poor, the unemployed, the immigrant, the unwed pregnant teen, the closeted gay Marine, the sick, the aged, and a laundry list of people who AREN’T stunned to walk into a restaurant in Harlem and NOT find shouted Ebonic commands for more watermelon and fried chicken, have for too long been marginalized, mistreated and witness to their very futures being shredded and tossed in the crapper for no better reason than a bunch of frat boy idiots decided to let one of their own take a swing at managing play time.
Sure, Rush may not hate America…but the policies for which he stumps are rooted in the dismissal of far too many Americans to any longer be passed off as “love of country”. And when you get right down to it, the opposite of love is not hate…it’s “I don’t care.”
And I’m not interested at all in the vapid and shallow truth that Rush Limbaugh doesn’t hate his country; that his bloviations are constructed on deeply held principle.
What utter horseshit. The fact remains, like biology professors with a John Birch grant to find the gene that makes black people stupid, honestly believing hateful, hurtful damaging bullshit is no reason at all to polish Limbaugh’s flabby knob with the compliment that the hateful, fat fuck is not insincere.

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2 Responses

  1. Too funny!!!! Hows Barry doing? Hows your 401K?

    • How’s Barry doing?
      Your comment seems to presume that president Obama is somehow responsible for the current economic situation.
      In fact, he seems to making an excellent start on managing the Stygian stables pile of horseshit left over from eight years of failed Bush management and thirty years of failed Reaganomics.
      Thanks for stopping by.

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