CNN Super High Tech Election Power!

What a bunch of fuckwits.

I hate Wolf Blitzer – grunting, gasping, redundant little monotone troll.  Campbell Brown.  John King.  Christ.  Where do they get these yammering twits.  How bad to you have to be to make James Carville seem like a breath of fresh air.  Don’t get me wrong, I like Carville well enough, especially when he gets wound up and goes all spittley…but seriously, refreshing he ain’t.

So, Campbell and King team up to reveal “new tracking technology”!!!  Oooh.  A cheesy 3D tabletop rendering of the Capitol Building with an overlay of all the seats – red for the GOP and blue for the Dems.  Be still my beating heart.  I ain’t never seen nothin’ so fancy in all my born days!
Lookit, Ma!  The seats thems up fer grabs can go flippy and there’s a counter that changes an’ counts!  Well, I’ll be slapped sideways and called a banjo!  A counter that counts, an’ when you takes one away from one side and gives it t’th’other, well that there counter COUNTS it!  Whatdya thinka that, Cletus?

Oops.  It’s done froze.  And King, who has spent the past five minutes intensely flipping shit around “just so we can become familiar with the technology” – the brainless, obvious, utterly self-explanatory technology – says they will work out the technology.  Good luck with that, John.  Idiot.

How many times will Blitzer say “percent” today?
He seems incapable of saying “Obama leads McCain 57-38,”  it HAS to be, “57 percent to 38 percent,” every time.  Man, he’s painful.

UPDATE:  Jumped up Jesus on toast!  They have a hologram!  I don’t even know who the correspondent was – some whiney chick they “beamed in” from Chicago – CNN’s first ever holographic reporter.  Wolf couldn’t stop gasping in his excitement:  “It looks like you’re right here in the studio, except you’re not, you’re in Chicago but it LOOKS like you’re RIGHT HERE IN THE STUDIO!!!”
Except it fucking well didn’t.  It looked like they stole some of graphic effects that were cut out of the movie TRON for being too goddamn ugly, hokey and ridiculous.
And here’s an interesting bit, as Wolf launches into another yammering of PERCENT PERCENT STATE PERCENT PERCENT PERCENT PERCENT STATE PERCENT ELECTORAL VOTES PERCENT STATE bit of blithering:  In order to generate the stupid fucking holographic image, the vapid lipflap had to stand in a tent (where she couldn’t possibly report on anything that was happening around her) surrounded by THIRTY-FIVE high definition cameras (rather than the ONE it would have taken to produce an informative piece that didn’t make Wolf cum in his pants).

ANOTHER UPDATE:  Why does the set have three screens Blitzer has to walk past?  Can’t the yammering fuckwit stand still – do they lack the technology to switch screens…you know, like a fucking weather map?
Why are Campbell Brown and John King waaaay the fuck down at the other end of what appears to be a warehouse?  Why are there blue risers all over the goddamn place with nothing on them?
I’ve never seen people with less to say use so many words to say it.  John King needs to get off the fuckin’ speed and Campbell Brown needs to figure out some way to make him shut the fuck up.
Campbell:  Why haven’t we called Pennsylvania yet?
King:  Because we don’t have any votes.

Someone please shoot these people.

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One Response

  1. Did you see Jay Leno’s takeoff on the hologram stunt? Now that was funny.

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