McCain’s New Strategy – The Final Push

Excerpt from McCain’s new stump speech via

“Let me give you the state of the race today. We have 22 days to go. We’re 6 points down. The national media has written us off. Senator Obama is measuring the drapes, and planning with Speaker Pelosi and Senator Reid to raise taxes, increase spending, take away your right to vote by secret ballot in labor elections, and concede defeat in Iraq. But they forgot to let you decide. My friends, we’ve got them just where we want them.

“What America needs in this hour is a fighter; someone who puts all his cards on the table and trusts the judgment of the American people. I come from a long line of McCains who believed that to love America is to fight for her. I have fought for you most of my life. There are other ways to love this country, but I’ve never been the kind to do it from the sidelines.”

Let’s examine the content.

We’re 6 points down. That’s about the most favourable poll you’ll find.  Looks more like 10 stretching for 12 nationally.  Up to 18 pushing 20 in the Blue States, and cutting against McCain harder every day in a pile of increasingly pale Red States.  The Swing States are agin him.  If the election were held today, Obama wins by taking ANY SINGLE swing state, OR converting ANY SINGLE red state.  Maybe if the GOP get a serious push going out in California, huh?  Get heavy back into Michigan?  Christ, man…they might even lose Virginia.  Virginia!  Forget the POW thing, dude.  McCain is going down in the books as the guy who lost it all and lost it big.  About the only question left is will he demonstrate ANY class whatsoever in his concession speech.

The national media has written us off. This is true.  Just about everyone has, including all the heavyweight GOP fat cats, the right-wing yammering lip flaps short of Rush and Hannity, and anyone with a brain.  McCain has been “written off” because his campaign has been marked by scatter, desperation, race-baiting, fear-mongering, indecision, flip-flopping, lack of a clear vision and, even more troubling, nothing resembling a plan.  It has lurched from Palin to furious bailin’ as the time-worn, outdated, anachronism that is Senator John McCain has descended further and further into ugly, pathetic desperation.

Senator Obama is measuring drapes. This is not true.  Apparently it is not to be taken literally, as McCain knows that Obama is out working the toss-up, swing states…the ones Bush carried and are now either obviously in the Obama column, leaning heavily that way, or in danger of switching from red to blue as the polls consistently trend away from Gimpy McMumblefuck and towards That One.  Besides, choosing new drapes will be Michelle’s job.

and planning with Speaker Pelosi and Senator Reid to raise taxes… This is true IF you make more than $250,000/year.  If you make more than that, suck it.  Cough up a few bucks, for fuck sakes.  However, if you make less than A QUARTER OF A MILLION DOLLARS PER YEAR, you will not pay another DIME in new taxes.  This is a fact, and it does not change no matter how many times POW McBush tells this tired, busted-ass lie.

…increase spending… For a man who just proposed buying up all the failed mortgages at FACE VALUE (a monstrous windfall profit for the banks who sold people on sub-prime loans), then forcing the government to renegotiate those mortgages at current value (forcing the tax-payers to take the loss between the face value of the mortgage and the new, depressed value), Senator John Scatterbrain McCain has no business talking about increased spending.  His party has been running the biggest annual budget deficit in American history; has almost doubled the national debt, has put us in hock to the Chinese and driven the price of oil onto a vicious roller-coaster ride.

…take away your right to vote by secret ballot in labor elections… This is the first I’ve heard of this.  Can anyone reference where McCain comes up with this one?  On its face, it has the stink of another one of those, “Obama wants to teach comprehensive sex ed to kindergarten kiddies,” sort of bullshit – some perfectly reasonable proposition that McTwisty Pants wants to make into something it ain’t just to have something inflammatory to say now that he’s decided to back of the “Foreign, Muslim, terrorist” inferences.

…and concede defeat in Iraq. Jesus.  What the fuck would “victory in Iraq” mean?
First it was WMD, but that was a lie.
Then it was get rid of Saddam – that’s done.
Then it was bring democracy to Iraq – also done.
Quell sectarian violence – done…an expensive bribe and a total sham that will disintegrate at the first possible opportunity, but who wants a Perma-Surge?
The GOP got us into that mess on a bunch of ginned up bullshit and never had any idea how to get out.  One is led to suspect they never want to leave.  In any case, it’s fucking well time America had some kind of plan other than, “I know how to win wars…I know how to do that…I know how to do everything,” but not a single, goddamn detail.  Hmmm…here’s an idea:  How about the plan supported by the President of Iraq, who agrees with Obama.
Concede defeat?  This is the sort of foolish nonsense that has caused everyone to abandon McCain-Palin in the first place.  Say it again, Johnny!  Say it louder!  The message just ain’t getting through!

My friends, we’ve got them just where we want them. Excuse me a sec… HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAA…
Whew…hoo…hoo…ok, I’m okay.  Breathe.
Oh, for fuck sakes.  Here’s TWO bags of dicks, you senile old fuckface.  One for you to eat now, and another for Palin to gnosh on on the trip back to podunk Wasilla for Bristol’s wedding.

What America needs in this hour is a fighter; someone who puts all his cards on the table and trusts the judgment of the American people. No, old man.  What America needs is good judgment, a steady hand, a functioning brain, and the sense not to stagger blindly from knee-jerk reaction to gut-level error, to quick-draw cowboy bullshit as you careen from accident to disaster, concerned only with which move is most in keeping with your maverick, fighter pilot POW tough guy bullshit image and ginned up reputation.
As for putting all your cards on the table, wasn’t it you who chastised Obama for saying he would go after Bin Laden in Pakistan?  Didn’t YOU say, “You don’t say that out loud.”
Make up your mind, you senile old fart.  Do you play your cards close to your chest, or do you lay them all on the table?  John McCain – simultaneous sucking and blowing, depending on what suits the moment in his limited ability to see it.

There are other ways to love this country, but I’ve never been the kind to do it from the sidelines. Except when you hid below decks in the Ready Room while the Forrestal burned; except when you charged into the bailout meeting, cocked that up, then sat on the sidelines; except when you show up to the Senate at the last minute to insert your name on bills that other members have been working on for a year; except when you light the fires of hatred and racism with your campaign and then, too little too late, infer that Arabs are bad people as you run away from the fire you set (shades of the Forrestal, eh Senator?).  Frankly, John, you’d be doing your party and your country a giant favour if you sat THIS ONE out on the sidelines.  Sadly, you, your dimwitted, annoying, vapid running mate, and a bunch of frightening racists who really love coming out to your rallies are the only ones who can’t see it.

Remember, remember the fifth of November,
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I can see no reason plot and treason
should ever be forgot.

Happy Guy Fawkes Day, Senator.


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