McCain’s Catch-22

Senator John McCain has bent himself over and jammed the giant dildo of failure right up his own ass.

It goes beyond the polls breaking for Obama, a lack of solutions in the Republican platform, or even the shameful ugliness of his recent attempts to race-bait and stir up hatred and fear among the voters.  McCain has Karl Roved himself far more elegantly than Rove could ever have managed on his worst, most evil and efficient day.

There are two things McCain needs to win this election:
1.  Support from the GOP base – the religious right, anti-abortionists, racists…you know, the ones who managed to squeak Bush into office twice on a variety of single issue, hot button bits of ginned up foolishness and fear mongering, and
2.  Support from independent, undecided voters…the “swing vote.”

In order to motivate the base, McCain and Palin have been invoking Barack HUSSEIN Obama, William Ayers and playing the race card in subtle, foreign sounding ways; playing to fear and racism in the most contemptible manner possible without using the word nigger.  The hard core GOPers have responded true to form – shouting “Kill him!” and “Terrorist!”  Videos are popping up all over the place featuring ardent McCain supporters yammering foolishly about how Obama is a Muslim, a terrorist, a fraud and a liar.  They shout to McCain that it’s time to attack harder, meaner, dirtier – time to stop playing nice!

The problem for McCain is that playing to these people drives the independent voters he needs into the arms of the Democrats.  They do not respond well to vicious, ugly campaign tactics and want to hear about the issues and how John McCain will address the problems facing Americans as the economy swirls down the crapper before their very eyes.

Conversely, giving detailed speeches on his solution for the economic crises (which, insofar as anyone can tell, McCain simply does not have – evidenced by his wild, scatter-shot, say anything attempt to sound as if he has something more than, “I know how to do that…elect me to find out the details”) only infuriates the base as they watch their doddering old war horse lose this election to a black man without seeming to retaliate the way they really, really want him to fight – like the dirty old soldier they always knew he was.

John McCain is not only ill-suited to the job – a dangerous anachronism with little or no value here in the future; he has not only run a weak, desperate, scattered campaign that fails to speak to anyone not already besotted by the Bush Doctrine, but he has now painted himself into a tiny corner in which he must choose whether to alienate his religious whackaloon base of racists and fuckwits, or drive the segment of voters he absolutely must win over to Obama.

Being constrained by the laws of physics – unable to suck and blow at the same time – Senator McCain has dealt himself a hand that’s lose-lose no matter how he plays it.

Like the ad for the only Mac people seem willing to buy:  I’M LOVIN’ IT!

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