Update on the Staked Out Goat

I wrote awhile back that Sarah Palin was nothing more than a bleating goat staked out in the middle of a jungle clearing – bait in a trap laid for Obama and the Democratic party.  She has certainly drawn the media but the GOP dismiss them as mere scavengers – part of a conspiracy to elect Obama.
Librul media bastards will sniff around anything they figure people will watch them sniff.  In point of fact, Wolf Blitzer, et al, long ago abandoned any sense of doing the job – nothing left but a bunch of pathetic attention whores in varying degrees of desperation and incompetence.   While aggravating, it’s mostly irrelevant as well.
The GOP are hunting Obama, not Dildo Boot Dick Quest.

John McCain says he’s never seen anyone, ever, excite and energize people the way Sarah Palin revs up those voters!  Really, Senator McCain?  More than JFK?  Martin Luther King?  BARACK OBAMA?
One must either be blind or a liar to make the claim, and while John ain’t much at the high fives, I think his eyes are better than that.
Clearly, despite McCain’s characterization of her as the freakin’ Energizer Bunny, ignoring Sarah Palin seems to work just fine.  She certainly hasn’t been helping her own cause or McFlightDeck’s.  We shall recall that later.

In any case, I’ve been thinking about the way this has been playing out in terms of the analogical premise – that Palin was never even remotely considered as qualified; that she was not vetted in the slightest degree; that she was nothing…IS nothing more than BAIT.
It seems to explain more and more with an increasing degree of accuracy.  Like evolution, the more facts we get, the stronger this seems as the only plausible explanation:  Palin Bait.

Sadly for the McCain camp (and I still say it’s a Karl Rove play from cover to cover), the elusive and cagey Obama is far too smart to walk into an obvious trap.  He knows more about avoiding traps and surviving in the jungle with only his wits for weapons than Karl Rove or POW McCrashtest ever will.
Obama has demonstrated the perfectly presidential quality of recognizing the snare and staying the hell away from it.
McCain has merely confirmed a simplistic perspective and desperate tendencies by laying the obvious trap.  Worse, he never stopped to consider how it would look…the position he’d be stuck in if it failed.

When Obama was not lured out into the clearing by the goat, the GOP tried having the goat make some noise.  Go ahead…but don’t bleat like a goat.  We’re hunting Obama!  Bleat that you have more experience than he does!
The goat, who really believed it was the star of the show and goddamn well deserved a speaking role, put on its non-prescription glasses and face-planted into the ground, taking out a pile of stacked cans on the way down.
Hoping no one would notice – like she’d planned the whole thing all along – she bleated.  It came out like some sort of oink/moo/cockadoodledoo thing crossed with a meow, a yelp, three farts and a “WHARGARBL!”

Under normal conditions, any animal making this sort of noise in the political jungle would be set upon immediately by the media jackals and political vultures, ripped to sheds – nothing left but bloody bones glistening in the clearing…and there are plenty enough things out there that will happily gnaw on bones.
But the sound was so fucking strange.  Just totally unexpected, coming from this goat staked out as bait in the middle of the jungle – no hope of surviving whatsoever – and DANCING!  All dressed up, under a spotlight and bleating “MoooinkeoYelpWHARGARBL!”
It made every single predator in the whole fucking place stop, tilt their head sideways and ask, “What the FUCK?”

Not least of which the GOP, who had staked the goat out there in the first place.  This isn’t going to bring Obama out into the open!  This is making us look fucking STUPID!  How much longer are we going to sit here and watch this fucking GOAT?
Ah, but the GOP realize that they have to do SOMETHING.  The goat is slated to debate Obama’s vice-presidential nominee, the wise old owl.  She can’t go out there and say “MoooinkeoYelpWHARGARBL.”

And so, Rove is wired into this now.  And the question becomes a simple one:  What can we train this stupid fuckin’ goat to do that will let us spin this election the way we want?  And that has NOTHING to do with answering the questions asked, dealing with Biden directly, or any other thing that might be cast as “debate.”

Thursday night we will see self-assured, almost cocky yet bland and falsely specific assertions of competence and experience.  GOP talking points laced heavily with McCain praise, no matter what the opening question might be.  Energy, Americans need relief and they need it now.  This isn’t a time for dreams and big talk, this is a time for sound judgment and experience.

Palin will attack Obama from stem to stern, calling up some of the weakest and most vile smears the Rethugs have been lobbing for months (I’ll set them out in more detail below).
Palin will recite from rote, in her Miss Congeniality shoes, the same sort of canned economic, foreign policy crap we got from McCain last Thursday.  No “insight” or “thinking” required.  Just deliver the speech, stick the attacks, keep Biden defending Obama and STAY ON THE FUCKING SCRIPT!
I don’t care what sort of follow-up questions are asked, and I don’t expect Ifil to go for the throat in any case.  Palin will bleat in three-part harmony.  For the goat, it comes down to simply not saying MoooinkeoYelpWHARGARBL.
Palin, because she’s only a goat, will hit some ugly buttons that McMumblefuck dares not try.  Were he to say such things, the deadly Obama would leap from the trees and eviscerate him on the spot.  But Palin is just a goat.  She will have scripted in nods to the GOP hit parade:  Fear, terrorism, racism, hatred, xenophobia, sexism, guns, God, plague and pestilence.
And make no mistake.  Miss Congeniality Goat is determined to show her masters and everyone else that she’s damn well worthy of being staked out in the middle of the jungle!
Do not be surprised when the dance steps come off as practiced (if not graceful) and she doesn’t stammer MoooinkeoYelpWHARGARBL as she slumps to the floor in stuttering spasms (although it’s okay to hope).

Now here are my predictions for the ugly buttons this stupid goat will be forced to hit.  I’m even going so far as to provide quotes!  We’ll see how I do.

  • Obama said people like me are bitter.  That we cling to our guns and our bibles.  Well hearing some liberal elite senator without any experience tell me that makes me bitter.  And I tell HIM, ‘Yes! I do cling to my guns and I do cling to my bible,’ and Barack Obama isn’t taking either one of them away from me!
  • Barack Obama wants to sit down and talk to terrorists without preconditions!  People who want to wipe Israel, our most stalwart ally, off the face of the earth!  Call it a stinking corpse!  John McCain has fought in wars, and knows how to win wars.  And he doesn’t want to cut and run from the terrorists that we’re fighting over there so they can’t come here, like Barack Obama wants to cut and run.  John McCain has the experience to keep America safe.  Barack Obama will only put America at risk!
  • John Mccain puts country ahead of self.  He suspended his campaign to go to Washington and try to save the Bailout Bill.  And he might have done it without the partisan politics of Nancy Pelosi and the party which Barack Obama wants to take into the White House.  John McCain understands that Barack Obama wants to raise your taxes.  John McCain understands that we don’t need more taxes!
  • I didn’t come to God when it was politically convenient for me to do so, and I don’t have ties to former terrorists and people who say “Goddamn America!”  That isn’t the sort of thing I call real faith or real patriotism.  I have faith in my fellow Americans and faith in a loving God, who has a plan for us all.

Here’s hoping Biden just lets it slide, answers the questions, and leaves it to Caribou Barbie to fuck up her lines or not.
Playing defense against her attacks is a win for Palin.
Responding to her characterizations is merely argumentative, and legitimizes as reasonable perspective the utter crap that is the GOP fear plan.
Just.  Answer.  The.  Questions.
Be brief.  Be smart.  ONLY direct a comment or question specifically to her if SHE DOES IT FIRST.  Otherwise, she might as well BE a goat.  DO NOT BLEAT simply because the goat bleats.
DO NOT defend attacks on Obama.  Just answer the questions.  Hit the facts.  Demonstrate that you KNOW what’s going on in the world.

Let the goat bleat and dance.  That show was old long before the MoooinkeoYelpWHARGARBL, and that’s not going to be nearly enough to survive being staked out in the jungle if Biden doesn’t attack the poor fuckin’ thing and make everyone weepy about the way the sexist bastard dismembered a poor, defenseless fucking goat.

The best question, though, I save to the end:  What does it say about John McCain, the GOP, and their contempt for both the process and the voters; for the Constitution, the country, their sense of truth, justice, fair play, honour and decency, that they would stake a helpless fucking goat out in the middle of the goddamn jungle and make it tap dance?  Allow it to WANT to?
Like I said before, if I were the goat, I’d be a little pissed about it.

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