Apologies to Dr. Suess

I caught a link on Pharyngula.com to a reworked version of Green Eggs and Ham that railed against home schooling.
Aside from the fact that I perceive home schooling to be the domain of ignorant, fundie religious fuckwits incapable of providing their squabs with anything approaching a decent grounding in the sciences, I object to the bastardization of the Doctor.

And so I posted:

Grickle grass, ham, thumbs and blue fish
I’ve read more rhymes than anyone might wish.
But i gotta say I have no use
for anyone who buggers Suess
To bugger Suess is a mortal sin
even on the world we atheists is in.
No mortal sin! Impossible says yous?
Just let me catch you buggerin’ Suess!

Came the reply:

When fundie-parents want to raise a fundie-ignoramus
They take of learning that is nothing short of shameless.
Would Dr Seuss just shrug and say “Oh well, it doesn’t matter”?
The Hell he would! You know he’d soon get madder than a hatter!
I hope – like most – Ted Geisel’s ghost now frolicks in Elysium.
And if we use his style for good, I’m sure it won’t displysium.

Posted by: cousinavi

“I’m sure it won’t displysium.”
now THAT’S truly Suessian reasonin’
I admit it provoked my giggletude
but I still insist that buggerin’s rude
Theo put some effort, some work
he wasn’t sittin’ home just havin’ a jerk
over convoluted adjectival forms
he really did surpass all norms
not just in rhyming but also plot
a moral wasn’t all he sought
he moral’d with great style and flair
and buggerin’…well, let’s not go there.

No one posted before I got bored.

I gotta add I’m a little shocked
I would’ve thought Pharyngulians rocked
at inventing posts ala rhyming Suess
I would’ve bet heavy on more PZ juice
I keep refreshing eagerly
goddamn it, all that springs is “Beagle Tree”
Suess would never have fallen for that
Fuck you, stupid Cat in the Hat.

Posted by: electricbarbarella

Sorry Cousinavi.. rhyming just is not my thing. I mean I can…but umm, that’s best left up to those that actually make sense doing it. πŸ™‚

Posted by: cousinavi

Rhyming, really not your thing?
You say you could, then fail to bring
an attempt, a try, you might take a swing
young birds don’t fly, but they’ll flap a wing
Ah, to hell with it – they’ve buggered Suess
I can’t complain…what’s the use?
I now retreat to my tiny wism
where i nurse my vicious cynicism.

Posted by: electricbarbarella

Ahh, my cousinavi, don’t fret;
I haven’t attempted the best one yet
You see when I try to rhyme,
All that comes out is “blah blah, not yet, oh hell, try one more time”
In the end, my rhymes really do suck
Although I can rhyme the end of that with truck
And buck, and cluck, and puck, and Oh Fuck..
What is she doing, you ask?
She warned you previously..
Her rhymes really do suck ass…

πŸ™‚

Posted by: cousinavi

I’ve gone too far. I feel obtuse.
All this rhyming ripping the good Dr. Suess.
It’s too much…it’s really too far
I’ve played this hole six over par.
It’s time to slink – I should have slunk
back to sleep in my cynical bunk.
I apologize to all of you posters
…something about drinks, wooden tables and coasters…
I’m calling it now, should have called it sooner
G’head…do your best…gimme a rhyme for sooner.

Posted by: cousinavi

I’ve gone too far. I feel obtuse.
All this rhyming ripping the good Dr. Suess.
It’s too much…it’s really too far
I’ve played this hole six over par.
It’s time to slink – I should have slunk
back to sleep in my cynical bunk.
I apologize to all of you posters
…something about drinks, wooden tables and coasters…
I’m calling it now, should have called it sooner
G’head…do your best…gimme a rhyme for sooner…
And no fucking cheating…you can’t use tuner…
Tuner’s a fish. Not dolphin friendly.
Charlie was one, now this rhyme is endly.

Posted by: cousinavi

Double posts suck
even updated.
My work here tonight
goddamn overrated.

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