The Palin Affair! Faux News

There’s an ugly rumour in The National Enquirer that Sarah Palin had an affair with her husband’s business partner back in the mid-90’s. The only way such a rumour could be uglier would be if turned out to be mere rumour. Oh, how I want it to be true!
I want someone to come forward with a semen-stained dress, and please, please, PLEASE let it be blue!
Oh. My. God. I just had a chill…
The semen will demonstrate conclusively that Todd is not the father of Track, Bristol, Willow or Piper. Just Trig.
In any case, leaving all the sunshine, lollipops and rainbows aside for moment, I thought I’d engage in a little pretend O’Reilly journalism. See if I can’t Rush it up a bit. Make like Fox here for a moment…
Let me get in character.
(Left wing elitist liberal black intellectual wants to take away my guns raise taxes negotiate with terrorists surrender in Iraq too young too inexperienced cannot keep America safe…)
Okay. I’m ready. Here’s goes:

It is suggested that Sarah Palin is a lying adulteress who drops her pants for any man that comes along. It turns out that phony maverick John McCain has selected a rampant trollop who has conned her husband into raising the children of at least one, and perhaps many other men. Reports out of a divorce proceeding in Alaska are said to contain allegations that Palin’s husband’s former business partner is the man with whom she committed the transgression, and that forensic analysis is underway to confirm that one or more of her children are not the result of the marital bed.
It can come as no surprise that a serial adulterer like John S. McCain, representing the party of Larry Craig among other sexually disgraced Republican hypocrites, would choose someone of such weak moral standing. One is now, however, forced to ask, “What was the REAL reason you selected this unknown beauty queen from the frigid north, Senator McCain? Did you learn something we didn’t about Sarah Palin during the vetting process?
It certainly seemed to many in the media that it was a quickie.
We will continue to follow this breaking story, and report the facts so that you, the viewer, can decide.

Fuck. Now I know why they do it! That’s just too much fun.
You go, Papa Bear!


3 Responses

  1. “The semen will demonstrate conclusively that Todd is not the father of Track, Bristol, Willow or Piper. Just Trig.”

    That’s a very mean one.

    Like it and keep going!

  2. There might also be another explanation for Trig’s existence:

  3. […] Avi has a great post on his blog as well so swing on over there to read […]

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