Close Encounter of the Mormon Kind

A Mormon missionary approached me at an intersection in Taiwan (they’re fuckin’ everywhere in Taiwan).  Sadly for the Mormons, I’m just the sort that loves a wee theological debate while waiting for the light to change.
With the first breath after his cheery introduction, I mentioned that I was a little offput by the Mormon’s posthumous baptism of Jews killed in the camps. 
The objection is entirely in principle, you understand…I have no practical objection at all.   Why would I?  It’s all fucking Leprechauns to me.  Nevertheless, why are you underwear freaks going out of your way to piss off Hebes by BAPTISING their dead relatives? 
How stupid is that?  How arrogant??

I can’t manage Faith.  I can’t.  Sometimes I wish I could, and I once had a perfect conversation with a young Jesus freak that made me wish I were a little dumber.
Lack of faith notwithstanding, when confronted with a Mormon missionary, I always accept their terms in these little tete-a-tetes.  It’s the only way the debate can progress. Damn Mormons are never willing to accept my hypothesis as a starting point.
No Mormon with that ‘Elder Barry’ nametag on his stiff white shirt is ever gonna walk up to me at a red light and say, “Hi!  I’m a blind dogma gobbler who would like to brain wash some needy soul into donating a chunk of their income…are you such an idiot?”

I digress.

His position was that there are NO righteous people absent baptism into the Mormon faith; that no one enters heaven without it.
Since it had recently come to public attention that Elie Wiesel’s name was on a list for future baptism, I asked him if Wiesel would qualify as a “righteous man”.
No, replied the Mormon, Wiesel would not qualify.
“But you would, being a Mormon?” I asked.
Yes, replied the Mormon.
Well, I told the kid, any belief system that makes you righteous over Elie Wiesel seems pretty obviously fucked.


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