Elitist Bastardry

It’s not that I’m an elitist, it’s that the rest of you pathetic fuckers are so maliciously stupid you make it really fucking tough not to play above your level.
Take the other day, for example: I was at my desk, doing my best to appear interested in what the brain dead, halfwit manager was saying. From time to time, despite my best efforts, some of his words penetrated. I heard the incompetent spooge say, “Oh, and by the way, I alphabeticalized the files.”
I couldn’t resist. “I think you meant to say ‘alphabetized’.”
He didn’t take well to being corrected by a titular underling. He ranted for a minute or two and then made a ridiculous attempt to be condescending in a weak effort to demonstrate managerial authority.
I was having none of it.
“Don’t you fucking condescend to me, you illiterate imbecile. I invented condescension!”
Joe Scrabble, one of the drier wits among my acquaintances, didn’t even look up: “Well,” he asked, ” from such an exalted perch, how could you not?”
And there, in that golden moment, was the trifecta. Joe being at once sarcastic, accurate and a perfect elitist bastard.


5 Responses

  1. It is tragic, truly tragic, that the man who invented condescension is now stuck in an office having his own invention turned against him by a hapless middle manager who is incapable of using the word “alphabetized.”

    Elitist Bastardry is not enough in the face of such imbecility. We shall need sharks with lasers as well.

  2. Amen, sister.

  3. We rise to the level of our incompetence. Besides, once you get to the rarefied air of the corporate suite, you can no longer talk coherently, only grunt in code to fawning underlings.

  4. You can get slapped down in a hurry if you know stuff you’re not expected to know according to your station in life. My wife finally quit being a nurse because she actually understood the theory behind sterile procedure and she’d get in trouble for correcting others. Today iatrogenic infections are a big problem in hospitals so I guess she was 30 years ahead of her time.

  5. Yeeeep. I work in a call center, and I think I’m the only one there who knows why we collect email addresses for people’s contact info records. I checked because I got tired of following a script that hadn’t been explained to me, checking boxes whose end function I didn’t know.

    My mind is now filled with wild fantasies of claiming the invention of condescension. You’ve probably made tonight’s work shift much brighter, and for that I thank you!

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