Post Rapture Come Down

Pfft. What a gyp.
Got up this morning, ran downstairs to see what Jesus had left for me under the Rapture Tree. Nothing.
Went outside. Thought Jesus had brought me socks and underwear but scattered them all over the neighborhood. Turns out that wasn’t the case…wasn’t even evidence of the hoped for missing Christians. Neighbor’s clothesline broke.
I waited all day for the massive earthquake. With each passing hour, I became more and more frustrated. Around dinner time, I began mocking believers. “Take your pick, Jesus boy! No god, or YOU’RE no good!”
Turns out mocking believers is fun, and the more one drinks the more fun it is.
I’ve decided to have another rapture next week. Might even make it a regular thing.

The World Will End Tomorrow

What would you do if you only had one day to live?
The classic cliche question for that moment when you’ve all had three too many drinks.

Shit. I’m not even packed. Of course, I guess I can forget about the laundry…and there’s no hurry now to eat those leftovers in the fridge. Hah! Look at this: The power bill. This rapture thing is full of win!

So, with 24 hours or so ticking down to the end time now upon us, what shall I do?
I did promise to teach a class tonight, so I might as well do that. I’ll use the cash for a bottle of rum. Eh? Make that two bottles of rum. Don’t want to run out just when the fun really gets underway.

I wonder what those religious buffoons will have to say for themselves when the sun rises on Sunday.
I wonder what I’ll have to say if it doesn’t.

Bertrand Russell was once asked what he would say should he meet his maker:
“Not enough evidence, m’lord.”
That works for me.

Two Days Til Rapture

Fucking typos. I thought it said, “Two days til RAPTOR.”
I was busy changing all my door handles to door knobs and reinforcing the windows to make them talon proof when I found out.
RAPTURE. What a bunch of twaddle.
But then I saw this:

Lady Gaga and Justin Beiber Top Forbes List of Powerful Celebrities.

The end is here.

Stupid Texans

As if giving the world George W. Bush weren’t proof enough that dangerously stupid things come from Texas, there’s another skirmish shaping up on the Evolution versus “God Done It” front.
It’s one thing to be so stubbornly ignorant and willfully blind to deny the fact of evolution, but the cretins in the Lone Star state insist on confusing evolution with abiogenesis.
Evolution is the process of mutation and natural selection that explains speciation – the diversity of life on this planet. Abiogenesis is the mechanism by which life formed in the first place.
The imbecilic boneheads down in Sam Houston country insist that ‘Life couldn’t just come from nuthin’ so god musta dunnit.’
Of course, no one argues that life came from nothing, but the problem is that where life came from – how those first replicating molecules formed – has nothing whatsoever to do with evolution which is a demonstrable fact and supported by more than enough evidence to send someone to death row in that very same state.
It doesn’t phase them even a little bit that scientists have managed to create DNA and RNA in the lab, they still engage in the infinite recursion of, “Well, what caused THAT?” And it will not matter when science provides excellent evidence answering their question…they’ll just repeat the question. The prime mover, the first cause, whatever it was, MUST be god…and not just any god – no muskrat putting earth on the back of the turtle for these insistently stupid assholes. No sir. It was Jesus. They know it, and they want it taught in the science classroom.
Brainless fuckwits.

Hitchens d. Blair: Religion = Evil

Tony Blair and Christopher Hitchens debated the question of whether religion is a force for good. As anyone who has ever debated Hitchens might tell you, the only way to win a debate with Hitchens is not to play…but as Hitchens would remind you, that ain’t winning. There may be a few with the intellectual capacity, and a handful possessed of sufficient rhetorical style, but no one plays at both ends of the court like Hitch.
As the BBC reports, and as might have been expected, Hitch carried the day by a 2-1 margin. Of course, he did have the advantage of being right.

The Pompous Theist

H/T to Hemant @ The Friendly Atheist.
Click on the pic for more godless funny from The Pompous Theist.


Sometimes it’s online, sometimes it’s personal. In either case, the more I deal with those who profess faith in a personal, interventionist god, the more they reveal themselves as contemptible hypocrites for whom I have no time.
There is an ongoing debate among the atheist crowd over whether we should reach out to the faithful; try to build bridges and accommodate their nutty fucking beliefs – whether there is anything to be gained from simply dismissing them as stunted, weak-minded imbeciles and taking a rather less tolerant tack in response to their condescending proselytizing.
It is in keeping with my ethical principles that I make some small effort to treat them with more respect than is given…which ain’t all that much seeing as they insist I will burn in hell for eternity – a claim that does not seem to me in the least respectful. But I am severely running out of patience with the god freaks. The disingenuous blithering batshit insane crap they spew day after day, hour after hour, demands counter. When they start keeping their faith at home and in their tax-free havens, they will find me far more agreeable. In the meantime, keep whining about a fucking War on Christmas…I’ll show you a fucking War on Christmas. I’m fixin’ to jam a fat Santa ALL the way up your stupid fucking Jesus.


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