I haven’t lived in Canada for awhile but I still follow the politics. Prime Minister Stephen Harper seems preternaturally disposed to cocking things up and pissing people off (usually NOT in a good way) but this time you can color me impressed.
Prime Minister Stephen Harper angered Catholics by apparently pocketing a communion wafer at a funeral mass in Canada on Friday. Wafergate began with a news feed of the event that shows Harper accepting the host, as it is called by Catholics, and then moving his hand conspicuously away from his mouth, the wafer’s intended target.
The god nuts are losing their shpadoinkle over this stupid crap. Wafergate? Oh for fuck sakes!
IT’S A CRACKER!
This ritualized cannibalism crossed with the rampant insistence that everyone else “respect” their foolish dogmatic imbecility has got to stop. PZ Myers got death threats for disrespecting one of their “consecrated hosts”.
Get it through your heads, you blithering religious fuckwits: Transubstantiation, of all the stupid, brainless crap you Virgin Birthers get up to, is truly one of your more idiotic moments. Nevertheless, if YOU want to gobble the flesh of Christ and chug down gallons of fermented grape blood, feel free. You DON’T get to go hollering, moaning and whining like a bunch of spoiled brats because others don’t share your reverence for a fucking Ritz cracker.
Of all the things that need people’s energy and attention in this world, only the religious could get their shit in a knot because someone didn’t eat their blessed saltine.
Where can I get some of these special crackers, anyway? I want to smear peanut butter on them and feed them to the street dogs.
Filed under: Atheism, Fundamentalist Christians, Philosophy, Politics, Religion, Social Commentary, Stupid, Theology | Tagged: blood, Catholics, communion wafers, consecrated host, cracker, flesh, idiots, Jesus, Stephen Harper
Why would any group, religious or otherwise, want to confess to cannibalism? I mean, shit, I’m in favor of it, only because I like long pig. Sky fairy worship has nothing to do with it.
But shouldn’t those people be arrested? Fuck that. Shouldn’t they be killed? I’m a gun nut. I’ll help. I’d have to start with my Irish mother, but she’s a cunt. No problem.
Cheers, John
Back when I used to attend church services I would occasionally eat of the flesh and partake of the wine, and I gotta say that Jesus is a bit bland tasting. So much so in fact that I never went back for seconds.
@ Zirgar
So are Catholics. If I haven’t got a few heaping tablespoons of paprika, fresh garlic and at least a good kilo of chillies, I can’t even be bothered greasing up the roasting pan.
It’s symbolic, you dumb Jew. And in accordance with the new austerity proclamations from Pope Benedict Adolf Mengele XXIII they no longer use traditional communion wafers, individually administered, but just firehose the congregants with a box of those little cheezy goldfish crackers.
Apparently, you employ the term “Jew” as in “One who is matrilinearly descended from the tribe of Abraham” – an error on your generally inerrant part as my mother was a convert to Judaism.
The other etymologies include one who subscribes to the Jewish faith (whereas I am, in fact, a rather militant atheist), or as a slur in reference to one who is stingy, miserly or otherwise inclined to stretch a penny into copper wire in a tug of war (I’ve more of a generous nature). It might also be construed as referring to one whose physical features, particularly the nose, is prototypically Hebrew (as in “Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free!”), but even you could not manage that degree of hypocrisy. And while we’re on the subject, stay away from my cocaine!
In any case, having been roughed up a time or two for killing Christ, it remains a badge I wear with a certain degree of pride, and especially so long as Leonard and Mordechai are counted among us. Stuff that in your menorah and smoke it.
As for the dumb part, brother…I’ve done some goddamn brainless things in my time, but that shit is marked on a curve. Have a look around. I understand that, from such a lofty perch, you have trouble NOT condescending…however, I believe I need only remind you of your attempt to emulate Lee Shao Long while walking on an icy sidewalk to force, at least, an admission along the lines of, “Yeah…takes one to know one.”
My friends are gone and my hair is grey
I ache in the places where I used to play
I’m crazy for love but I’m not comin’ on
I’m just payin’ my rent in the tower of song.
Oh…those little Goldfish crackers SUCK. I get the fish reference, but have you ever tried spreading peanut butter on the little fucking things? And that’s a hell of a lot easier than marmalade. Don’t even TRY marmalade unless …you…nevermind. You love being sticky.
Hah. Wasn’t even icy. I flying drop-kicked Jimmy (fail) and broke my arm on a perfectly dry sidewalk so THERE. Broke my damn phone too.
Some primal termite knocked on wood
And tasted it, and found it good!
And that is why your Cousin May
Fell through the parlor floor today.
You shoulda stuck with the ice excuse. Not even sure which is dumber…
Harper didn’t pocket the wafer because he doesn’t believe in transsubstantiation (he doesn’t, of course), he did it because the wafer came from a Catholic priest. Had it been a protestant minister giving it to him there would have been no problem for him. Though his reasons may not have been as street-rat crazy as transsubstantiation, his reasons were still religious. I simply would not have accepted the wafer because all religion is nutty as a Mars bar.
Unless I was hungry.
It takes something more than mere hunger to make me eat McDonalds food…but being offered a blessed saltine would do it.
And on the Catholic / Protestant distinction, is it more or less hypocritical to reject the wafer on those grounds?
C’mon! McDonalds fries are great!
I don’t know about his reasons being hypocritical (from our vantage it is, of course, but not from his point of view), but he did handle it rather poorly. Not that it should even have made the news. Wonder if Bill Donohue has weighed in yet? He kidnapped Jebus, he did!
I’ll eat the fries…and the ice cream (soo tyow and bin chee ling respectively) but, man, they leave the fries under the lamp too long over here. Taiwanese do not mind cold fries…I DO.
I live in a city of a million people. Until very recently, Mickies was the only fast food option. If you wanted a decent burger, you had to take a fair drive, buy your own ground beef and cook it yourself…or drop about $12 USD for a Chilli burger (which, as much as I hate Chilli’s, is a pretty good burger – this IS Taiwan).
Now, though…NOW, there’s a Burger King (One!). It’s a fair piece away, and I try not to go too often – don’t want it be Burger King…need to keep it special. But, motherfucking hell! It’s one giant mother-may-I improvement over the salt-laden crap that Ronald glops out.
Back to Harper. He’s a dorky klutz. A know-nothing rube who considers the son of a Pictou County bag man who’s personally responsible for the deaths of 26 coal miners to be a worthy cabinet minister. I went to law school with Peter McKay. He’s an evil, arrogant cunt of the first degree…
I digress.
Back to communion wafers…
Anything…ANYTHING that rubs the nose of the god freaks in the stenchy manure of their own ridiculous hypocrisy is fine by me. If it comes off the back of some thoughtless gaffe by the idiot Harper, so much the better. Fuck THEM and FUCK him.
Kidnap Jesus? Did you ever read Another Roadside Attraction by Tom Robbins?
It isn’t just Harper. Stockwell ‘Doris’ Day, Chuck Strahl, science and industry minister Gary Goodyear (whose only exposure to science is his chiropractice license), ex-Reform Preston Manning – these guys are all extreme right-wingnut Christians. Coincidence? Not on your life. Alberta is Canada’s answer to America’s bible belt and I’m smack dab in the middle of it (I live in Harper’s riding). It’s no wonder Joe Clark took his ball and went home. I would too. These guys need to go.
A college Peter Mackay makes me think of the “legacies” in Animal House; an otherwise undeserving loser just there because of his daddy. Just like the chick he was banging, Belinda Stronach. (I’d bang her though.)
So Harper pocketed the wafer? He’s on a diet now? Man boobies getting too large again? The important question is what did he do with the wine? Shit, if somebody wants to give me (cheap parody) bread and wine for free, silly superstitution or not, I’m scarfing it down…and will try to Bogart their bottle. If some south western native tribe wanted to give me tacos and peyote, I’ll do that too. Never look a gift horse in the mouth.
As PM, you’re supposed to represent everyone. You either engage in everyone’s silly rituals and ceremonies, or you engage in none. You have to be consistent. You can’t pick and chose what ones you want to partake in while on official business, especially after you show up to an event. Unless you say no to everyone, showing up means sucking it up. It’s not that much different than wearing those silly traditional local outfits they make world leaders put on at conferences to show locals “I respect your silly tradition.”
Harper may have done the right thing, but for all the wrong reasons.
Apparently, you employ the term “Jew” as in “One who is matrilinearly descended from the tribe of Abraham” – an error on your generally inerrant part as my mother was a convert to Judaism.” – Cousinavi
You mean, people actually convert to Judaism? No offence to your mama, but holy fucking shit! How much of a masochist to you have to be to do that? First, you have to submit to the religious dogma. Second, you have to deal with all the racist/religious bullshit people throw on you for no good reason. Third, and most importantly to me, it involves genital mutilation. Ain’t NO motherfucker getting near my junk with a sharp object! If given a choice between “convert or die”, I’m hopping in the gas chamber just to avoid the briss.
Between thoughts of Steven Harper, Peter MacKay’s dick and my forced briss, I’m not going to sleep at all tonight.
She converted to marry my father, which was odd because Pop was a very secular man who, I’m fairly certain, only ever entered a shul for weddings and funerals (and with regard to HIS OWN, only the former). Still, something to do with family tradition or something. He had no tolerance for god yammerers.
As for Mom, we were pretty much the only Jews I ever met who regularly ate bacon, honey glazed ham and sweet & sour sausages. Converting is one thing…abandoning culinary talent is another.
As for circumcision, I have no traumatic memories of the event – a shot of brandy goes a long way when you weigh eight pounds. It works fine.
As the masochistic element, while dealing with racist idiots is never pleasant, I do feel a little closer (at least on some prideful cultural level) to Mordechai, Leonard and Albert. Those three alone more than make up for any of the burdens (most of which exist more in your imagination than reality).