Suck My Dick Cheney

Excerpts from the speech delivered by Dick Cheney on May, 21, 2009:

I had the advantage of being a vice president content with my responsibilities I had and going about my work with no higher ambition.
Today, I’m an even freer man. Your kind invitation brings me here as a private citizen, a career in politics behind me, no elections to win or lose, and no favor to seek.

What utter bullshit. This facile attempt to appear unbiased and finally able to speak the truth without fear of political repercussions could not be more wrong or more insulting.
Here is a man almost universally loathed by the American people, who outed Valerie Plame for political gain; who asserted his office was outside the executive branch and refused to keep records in accordance with the law; who directed the ginning up of twisted and unethical legal “opinions” to justify egregious violations of domestic and international law in order to build a false case for an illegal war; who (presuming some shred of sanity or decency remains in his wizened, evil skull) carries around the sneaking suspicion that, if this thing isn’t sewn up fast, enough crap may spill out that may yet find him facing prosecution for war crimes.
THIS man wants us to believe that now he is finally free to tell the truth – nothing at all hindering the manner in which he casts history and his culpability therein.
One presumes Cheney has been briefed by his crack team of legal experts on utterances against interest.

The point is not to look backward. Now and for years to come, a lot rides on our president’s understanding of the security policies that preceded him. And whatever choices he makes concerning the defense of the country, those choices should not be based on slogans and campaign rhetoric, but on a truthful telling of history.

Whatever you do, please don’t look backward!
The last thing Cheney wants is anyone actually examining in detail what he did, when he did it and why.
As for a truthful telling of history, let’s face some facts: It was Dick Cheney who ordered that “Enemy combatants” be tortured to provide evidence of a link between Saddam Hussein, AQ and WMD. There is more than enough evidence to reach this conclusion on the balance of probabilities and, when this stinking pile of embarrassing shit is eventually excavated (as it must now be), Dick Cheney is going to rank somewhere around Lucretia Borgia and Josef Mengele for a seat close to the fire.

Here paraphrasing:

9/11! 9/11! 9/11! 9/11!

At some point, Cheney is going to have to admit that 9/11 is not a proper justification to do whatever the fuck you want, to whomever you choose.

To make certain our nation never again faced such a day of horror, we developed a comprehensive strategy, beginning with a far greater homeland security to make the United States a tougher target. But since wars cannot be won on the defensive, we moved decisively against the terrorists in their hideouts and sanctuaries and committed to using every asset to take down their networks.

More revisionist bullshit. The United States is not a tougher target. Illegal immigrants stream across the southern border, the ports are unprotected, and only 3% of shipping containers get any sort of inspection before being loaded on a truck and shipped off to god knows where.
Water supplies, electric grids, communication networks – none of it is even a little bit safer today than it was on 9/12.
You did not move decisively against terrorists, Dick. Osama Bin Laden is still a free man. You moved against a sovereign, secular nation that had nothing to do with the terrorists you claim to fear (and which, despite being run by an ugly tyrant who used to be your Best Friend Forever, acted as a counterweight to the theocratic nutfucks in Iran that ARE connected to your desperate and fearsome “terr’ists”). You did that while allowing the situation in Afghanistan and Pakistan to crumble into a truly global threat.

We decided, as well, to confront the regimes that sponsored terrorists and to go after those who provide sanctuary, funding, and weapons to the enemies of the United States. We turned special attention to regimes that had the capacity to build weapons of mass destruction and might transfer such weapons to the terrorists.

You decided, INSTEAD OF, to confront A regime that had only the most tenuous of links to terrorism (and most of those ginned up by torturing such fountains of solid intel as “Curveball”). Special attention was turned to Iraq, which had no weapons of mass destruction, little or no capacity to generate them, and could not, therefore, transfer such to anyone.

We did all of these things and, with bipartisan support, put all of these policies in place. It has resulted in serious blows against enemy operations: the take-down of the A.Q. Khan network and the dismantling of Libya’s nuclear program.

The Khan network was part of a payoff that involved America’s ongoing attempt to buy and install a pro-western government in Pakistan, and Libya was bought off with promises of foreign aid and admittance to the economic table.
How can you tell when Dick Cheney is lying? It’s a trick question – the motherfucker is physically incapable of speaking the truth. It’s like that stupid Jim Carrey movie except in reverse.

So we’re left to draw one of two conclusions, and here is the great dividing line in our current debate over national security. You can look at the facts and conclude that the comprehensive strategy has worked and therefore needs to be continued as vigilantly as ever. Or you can look at the same set of facts and conclude that 9/11 was a one-off event, coordinated, devastating, but also unique and not sufficient to justify a sustained wartime effort.

How disingenuous can one man be?
You can look at the facts and equally well decide that Bush, Cheney et al had sufficient notice of the pending attack on 9/11 that the exercise of due diligence would have prevented it; that they utterly and completely dropped the ball; that the policies of the Bush administration produced no actionable intelligence that could not have been obtained in other ways; that the same policies mired America in a pointless and ineffective war based on nothing more than neocon hegemony, and that it was not those policies (torture) that produced results.
In fact, Cheney and his lackeys have already been outed as lying in this specific regard – claiming that intel obtained by waterboarding prevented an attack despite the torture occurring AFTER the attempt had been foiled.

We did not invent that authority. It’s drawn from Article II of the Constitution, and it was given specificity by Congress after 9/11 in a joint resolution authorizing “all necessary and appropriate force” to protect the American people.

Dick…Dick! “All necessary and appropriate force” does not, by any reasonable interpretation, include torture. There is nothing appropriate or reasonable about inflicting pain on those held in your custody. It is not reasonable – it is barbaric, illegal, immoral, unproductive, and cannot be justified by saying, “Well, gosh…we was frightened!”

Over on the left wing of the president’s party, there appears to be little curiosity in finding out what was learned from the terrorists. The kind of answers they’re after would be heard before a so-called truth commission. Some are even demanding that those who recommended and approved the interrogations be prosecuted, in effect treating political disagreements as a punishable offense and political opponents as criminals.
It’s hard to imagine a worse precedent filled with more possibilities for trouble and abuse than to have an incoming administration criminalize the policy decisions of its predecessor.

You should have thought of that, you wizened old imp, before you decided to violate long-standing international law – law, for the most part, drafted by the USA.
You should have thought of that before you paid cash bounties for chauffeurs and cooks, sent them off to 3rd world backwaters where they could tortured without anyone knowing or watching.
You should have thought about that before you wiped your ass with the very principles enshrined in the Constitution you cravenly claim to protect and defend.
You should have thought of that, sir, before you became a war criminal.

At Abu Ghraib, a few sadistic prison guards abused inmates in violation of American law, military regulation, and simple decency. For the harm they did to Iraqi prisoners and to America’s cause, they deserved and received Army justice.

The “A few bad apples” defense, again.
A few bad apples, following directives from on high – from Donald Rumsfeld, and from Dick Cheney. Cheney calls any investigation that might come into the hows and whys a “so-called” Truth Commission.
While one expects that any proceeding involving Dick Cheney would be unlikely to ever yield anything approaching truth, more than enough evidence has trickled out from the guards and administrators at Abu Ghraib already to strongly suggest that it was not Bad Apples at work in that prison, but soldiers following orders – Dick Cheney’s orders.

Those personnel were carefully chosen from within the CIA and were especially prepared to apply techniques within the boundaries of their training and the limits of the law.
Torture was never permitted. And the methods were given careful legal review before they were approved. Interrogators had authoritative guidance on the line between toughness and torture, and they knew to stay on the right side of it.

Torture was never permitted, see, because we had out lawyers write an opinion that said torture wasn’t torture. The same things that we prosecuted others for doing to American troops – and it was called torture then – was no longer torture.
Plus, we only tortured them a little bit. We waterboarded KSM 183 times on a single month…but that’s, you know…just asking pointed questions.
Does anyone, at some point, get to punch this deadheaded fuckwit in the face for being a bold-faced lying cocksucker?

Yet for all these exacting efforts to do a hard and necessary job and to do it right, we hear from some quarters nothing but feigned outrage based on a false narrative. In my long experience in Washington, few matters have inspired so much contrived indignation and phony moralizing as the interrogation methods applied to a few captured terrorists.

The indignation is not contrived. The outrage is not feigned. The narrative (excepting what comes out of Dick Cheney’s mouth then and now) is not false.
What was false was the information provided under torture to connect Iraq to AQ.
What was false was the entire justification for invading Iraq.
And what is false now is Dick Cheney’s attempt to revise history and save his vicious, evil, splotchy carcass from the judgment he has clearly earned.

I might add that people who consistently distort the truth in this way are in no position to lecture anyone about values. Intelligence officers of the United States were not trying to rough up some terrorists simply to avenge the dead of 9/11. We know the difference in this country between justice and vengeance.

Holy Fucking Giant Shit Monkeys!
“People who distort the truth…are in no position to lecture anyone about values.”
Un-fucking-believable.
It’s like being lectured on the evils of drink by Charles Bukowski, or Jeffrey Dahmer advocating the vegan lifestyle.

But in the fight against terrorism, there is no middle ground, and half-measures keep you half-exposed. You cannot keep just some nuclear-armed terrorists out of the United States; you must keep every nuclear-armed terrorist out of the United States.

Nukes! They have nukes! The clock is ticking and they all have NUKES!
You fear-mongering pile of craptastic bullshit.

I can’t do it. I had intended to go through the pile of hideous crap spewed from the vicious brain and drooling pie hole of one of America’s greatest embarrassments – a liar, a thief, a con man, a grifter, an evil motherfucker of the first rank – but even reading the unrepentant, revisionist horseshit is too much. It’s annoying, frustrating and just downright ugly to face such putrid slime much less argue against it.

Fuck you, Dick Cheney. I long for the day justice is done and you are shipped off to Leavenworth in chains with a pack of smokes up your puckered old ass.
How long? How long?
How long, oh Lord, how long?

Suck My Dick Cheney – Sloppy Seconds

7 Responses

  1. “It’s like being lectured on the evils of drink by Charles Bukowski, or Jeffrey Dahmer advocating the vegan lifestyle.”

    That actually made me snarf on a can of beer.

  2. As a wise man said on twitter today:

    Since when is Dick Cheney Obama’s arch-nemesis?

    Obama is the president.

    Cheney is a scared old man.

    • Facts do not seem to prevent the media, the gamers or the audience from playing this silly bullshit like Federer versus Nadal with both of their mothers held court side at gunpoint and the life of Tinkerbell in the balance.
      I am suspicious. For all the success Obama has had in pulling back the curtain and saying “See how silly it is back there?” there is always another curtain.
      Cheney, Gingrich, Boehner, that dirty fixer Luntz, Cantor (someone has to bring the donuts)…
      They are still playing the same dirty vicious game.
      And they’re gaining some traction with the far LEFT, who are the same tantrum throwing sluts you find on the right. As soon as Obama didn’t IMMEDIATELY end DADT, they start bawling and burning their Hope & Change t-shirts. No patience for a full-term agenda, played smart. “I want to win ALL the pots, now…now…NOW!”
      GOP Mucking up the wheels to later say “He didn’t get anything done because he wouldn’t work with us!”
      This is why I say fuck it. Let the chips fall where they may. Turn the DoJ loose. Investigate, subpoena…dig it ALL up…and if so much as a traffic ticket comes up, prosecute.
      If they want to muck up the gears…as Kennedy said, “Well, then, Mr. Premier…we shall have war.”

  3. “We decided, as well, to confront the regimes that sponsored terrorists and to go after those who provide sanctuary, funding, and weapons to the enemies of the United States.”

    This statement might be believable if you had Alzheimers.

    It requires forgetting the fact that, in the 80′s, Donald Rumsfeld (figuratively, if not literally) handed Saddam Hussein satellite photos of amassing Iranian human waves and told him how to defend against them. Not only did they tell him where to aim the chemical weapons, they sold him the very helicopters used to gas them and the Kurds. Even though we’d hold this against Saddam later, this was all good as long as Saddam was fighting our enemy, Iran, who we were also selling weapons to. This despite it being illegal because Iran sponsored terrorism. Iran was also (next to the Russians) our biggest enemy of the day.

    It would also require forgetting the fact that Osama was trained by the CIA when he joined the Mujahideen. They were our friends for as long as they were battling our arch enemy, the Russians, who are now our friends. (Except for the fact that they aren’t. ) Afterwards, they morphed into several groups, one of which was the Taliban.

    The Taliban was largely a creation of Pakistan, who is our once-in-a-blue-moon democratic friend who we (I have no idea why) chose over the actually democratic India, their arch enemy. Our friend Pakistan passed on nuclear technology to Libya, Iran, North Korea and (in an attempt to complete the Axis Of Evil Triple Play) shopped it to Iraq. Iraq didn’t bite because Saddam thought it was an American trap that would let Americans invade using Weapons of Mass Destruction as a pretence. Not as dumb as he looked.

    Speaking of dumb, in May 2001, George W gave some $43 million to the Taliban government, who were harbouring Osama as he planned 9/11, for their efforts to stop growing heroin poppies. That money may seem small, but the entire nation’s GDP was under $2 billion at the time. It would be like somebody giving America $215 billion. (source: Cato Institute)

    With all these damaging memories, is it any coincidence that, in the last 20 years or so, our culture has been re-designed to turn us into a society of amnesiac simpletons? I don’t think so.

    Not only does friend/enemy flip flops read like Orwell’s 1984, it reminds me that the only constant here is that members of George W’s team keep popping up. They have constantly had dealings with America’s past, present, and future enemies.

    Who are America’s real enemies again?

  4. “Over on the left wing of the president’s party, there appears to be little curiosity in finding out what was learned from the terrorists.” – Dark Lord Cheney

    Speaking from “the far left”, I am VERY curious what we found out from the terrorists.

    I want to know every single detail about the torture. I want to know how many people were snatched up, how, from where, and why. I want to know where they were taken, who tortured them, the names of the Doctors who oversaw the torture and what methods were used. I want to know how long they were tortured, what happened to them after the torture and how many died.

    I want to know every single word that came out of their mouths. I want to see and hear every single picture, video and audio recording.

    I want to know what percentage of claims held any water and what didn’t. I want to know how many of these people did nothing whatsoever. I want to know how many of them were tortured because of a mistaken identification. I want to know how many were tortured merely because they were just in the neighbourhood or just because somebody dropped a dime on them out of petty revenge. I want to know how many innocent people died.

    I want to know EVERY single detail. I don’t want ANYTHING hidden. I want the true scope of evil to come out. I want to know the names of all the official who ordered it. and, above all, I want to know when they are going to jail.

    I know it will never happen. However, my suspicion is that, after torturing what would probably turn out to be several thousand people, they probably did find out a few things that would have been pretty useful to know….IF THE MERE FACT OF SNATCHING UP SOMEBODY WHO HAS IMPORTANT INFORMATION WOULDN’T MAKE THAT INFORMATION NULL AND VOID THE MINUTE THEIR CO-WORKERS REALIZED HE WAS IN US CUSTODY AND THAT THEY HAD TO CHANGE THEIR PLANS!!!

    Capturing these people rendered what they might have to say under torture essentially mute. The torture happened anyway because torture isn’t done to get information. Torture is done purely for the fun of it.

    “At Abu Ghraib, a few sadistic prison guards abused inmates in violation of American law, military regulation, and simple decency. For the harm they did to Iraqi prisoners and to America’s cause, they deserved and received Army justice.” -Dark Lord Cheney

    That is far and away the funniest thing I’ve heard all year.
    Every single word, and I mean EVERY single word, is so full of ironic humour than I just pissed my pants laughing. Who said torture can’t be funny?

  5. Ahh, a kindred spirit at last! It gets kind of depressing for us Guardian readers when crazed neo-con loving redknecks start throwing the abuse about. I was delighted to stumble across your blog and its rock-solid critique of the ‘War on Terror’ bullshit. Our lot are not much better and, worse, concealed neo-con leanings dressed up as a third way, New Labour kind of crap. Hell, thinking about it makes me so mad!

    I’ll return for more reading soon!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 404 other followers

%d bloggers like this: