Sarah Palin – Hypocritical, Lying, Brainless Fuckwit

The elevation of Sarah Palin, a brainless, divisive, prevaricating, ignorant, poorly educated, backwater hillbilly fuckwit, to nominal celebutard leader of an astro-turf gang of sound bite gobbling, fact denying, mostly racist, self-described patriots is a sure sign that the idea of America has been bent over a barrel and fucked up the ass by the supporting cast of Deliverance.

At the recent Tea Party convention in Nashville, the true depth and breadth of Palin’s devotion to saying anything to spark a guffaw from a bunch of retarded, obstructionist fuckwits was made manifest, as was her utter inability to either hold or express anything like a core principal.

As if her garbled responses to the simplest questions during her vacuous and futile campaign for vice president weren’t enough evidence:

In response to a question on whether she agreed with the Bush Doctrine of preemptive war: “In what respect, Charlie?”

In response to a simple question about what she reads to stay informed: “I’ve read most of them again with a great appreciation for the press for the media, I mean…Um, all of ‘em, any of ‘em that um have been in front of me over all these years, um…”

On the role of the vice president: “[T]hey’re in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom.”

On the numerous charges of ethical misconduct leveled against her: “I think on a national level your Department of Law there in the White House would look at some of the things that we’ve been charged with and automatically throw them out.” (There is no Department of Law).

On the $700 Billion dollar bailout of Wall Street: “But ultimately what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the healthcare reform that is needed to help shore up our economy.”

On being nominated for vice president: “As for that VP talk all the time, I’ll tell you, I still can’t answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?”

As if these gaffes – blatant evidence that this blithering twit does not and cannot think, knows almost nothing, yet believes (in true beauty pageant contestant fashion) that if she just keeps yammering and includes enough keywords…family, faith, patriot…and finishes with a stylish wink and heartfelt “You betcha!” she’ll be fine – weren’t enough to send her packing back to Alaska smothered in tar, feathers and shame, Sarah Palin has bet it all on stupid and appears determined to let it ride.

In her yammering string of nonsense in Nashville, Palin attacked the president for using a teleprompter. Apparently Sarah has head her head buried so far up her ass, a few simple facts managed to escape her (along with all the complex and difficult facts):

Sarah, however, doesn’t bother with a teleprompter. She’s so erudite and well-spoken, possesses such command of history, facts and figures that she needs no notes (as demonstrated from her quotes above) to deliver her particular brand of genius. Here’s how Sarah Palin remembers what she wants to say:

Energy!
Budget Tax Cuts
Lift American Spirits!

What the lifting fucked up Jesus on skis is that? She needs crib notes to remember that she wants to talk about energy? Of course, McCain touted her as one of America’s leading experts on energy, after which she proceeded to assert that Alaska produces 20% of America’s energy (the true figure is about 3.5%). Fungible molecules!
She wants budget cuts…no, wait…TAX cuts! Can you imagine a discussion with this yammering fuckwit about the budget? Tax cuts – only the rooster call talking point of every fuckhead conservatard since ever…but Sarah needs to have it written on her hand.
Lift American Spirits. Motherhood and apple pie, eh? We just all need a good ol’ shot in the arm, a go git’er, and a you betcha.

This six-years to obtain a four-year degree imbecile has the nerve to attack the most educated, intelligent, capable president since Eisenhower, saying, “We need a Commander in Chief, not a law professor standing at a lectern,” and, “How’s that hopey-changey stuff workin’ out for ya?”
Yammering, sarcastic, condescending horseshit from the mouth of a blithering coont too stupid to realize that Obama just recently finished eviscerating the very same bullshit talking points, without a teleprompter, at the GOP’s own meeting.

It sickens me to see this incompetent, stupid, functionally illiterate, untraveled, backwater hick shit-for-brains beauty pageant freakshow being paid $100,000 to spout her slimy, ignorant crap to people too stupid to realize that they’re the problem, not the solution.
She has no core principles, no ideas, no solutions – nothing to offer except a smile, a wink and someone else’s critique of the man who thrashed the living shit out of her and her senile patron at the polls.

One minute she wants Rahm Emanuel fired for calling an idea retarded, the next she’s bending over and grabbing her ankles to explain how it’s perfectly okay for Rush Limbaugh to call people retarded. Cue the prop mongoloid baby!

Will she run in 2012? Cue coy smile and wink. She won’t close any doors that god might open for her in the future. Perhaps, by that time, she’ll be able to remember Joe Biden’s name and won’t have to resort to, “Can I call ya Joe?” to cover up the stunning depth of her ignorance.

Anyone who thinks Sarah Palin has anything to offer the future except material for comedians and the threat of doom by stupidity ought to be dragged out behind the barn and shot for being a threat to humanity due to sheer brainlessness.

Pepper Coated Salmonella

I just thought I was dying. Had to happen sooner or later. I drink, I smoke, I don’t exercise. I figured sooner or later something would give out. Turns out it was salmonella poisoning from some Costco pepper-coated salami.
Aches and pains pretty much everywhere, headache, mild to medium confusion (for which there are other explanations), nausea, lack of appetite, overwhelming fatigue – at one point I was sleeping 12-18 hours at a stretch only to be utterly exhausted after two hours awake – fever, chills…a few other symptoms you might well imagine. Come to find out the variety pack of Italian cured meats purchased at the local Costco was infected with Salmonella Montevideo.
I am advised that Costco will happily refund the purchase price. They can take a long hard slurp on my go fuck yourself. Attempted murder ought to be worth something more than my fucking money back. We’ll see what sort of tune they sing when I serve them with an originating notice for selling me shrink wrapped pepper-coated death.

Lucky Mountain Dog Shelter Needs Help

Chris, a friend and neighbour here in Taiwan operates a shelter for stray and abandoned dogs. I’m acquainted with a number of dogs that have passed through his care, and they’re all great pets. One, named Pimp, lives two doors from me and visits regularly…by himself. He likes cheese.
In any case, despite the long hours, obsessive dedication and excellent results obtained, the owners of the property have sold the shelter. Chris has three weeks to find a dozen dogs new homes.
If you know anyone who loves dogs, pass along the link. Some of Chris’s dogs have made the trip to North America, so that might also be an option. You can’t do better than a Taiwanese mixed breed – generally Border Collie smart and gentle temperament. Go check out his website.

Boston Paul’s Militant Hippi Taiwan Blog

Boston Paul has fired up a blog on WordPress – a place for him to spout his holisitic health, political ranting and vicious conspiracy theories.
He’s a fun guy with a strange and mostly shadowy story. Always nice to have another Taiwan ex-pat with whom to trade comments.
See you at the Refuge, BP.

Sarah Palin on Fox

She is the thing that will not die and we have McFrankenCain to blame for it.

Had she not been cravenly tapped for vice president, her vicious, blithering idiocy would have eventually played out in Alaska and she would have returned to Wasilla, known only locally as that nutty one term governor with a brood of oddly named children.
Now, she’s got a ghost-written book full of lies and yammering nonsense, will be the keynote speaker at the Teabagger’s Convention in Nashville – co-starring Michelle Bachmann…Thelma and Louise meets Dumb and Dumber – and is still mentioned as a possible candidate for president in 2012, if not for the fractured and suffering GOP then bearing the standard of a third party. One shudders to imagine the platform.

As if that weren’t ugly enough…too ugly, in fact, for the timid to contemplate, it gets worse. The blithering idiot has accepted a spot at Fox News. A bigger platform than Facebook to infect the sheep with her mad cow hoof-in-mouth disease.

Sarah Palin, former Alaska governor and 2008 Republican vice presidential candidate, will return to her broadcast roots and take her conservative message to Fox News as a regular commentator, the cable channel announced Monday.

“I am thrilled to be joining the great talent and management team at Fox News,” Palin said in a statement posted on the network’s Web site. “It’s wonderful to be part of a place that so values fair and balanced news.”

Fox said that according to the multiyear deal, Palin will offer political commentary and analysis on the cable channel, as well as Fox’s Web site, radio network and business cable channel.

She also will host occasional episodes of Fox News’ “Real American Stories,” a series debuting this year that the network said will feature true inspirational stories about Americans who have overcome adversity.

“Governor Palin has captivated everyone on both sides of the political spectrum and we are excited to add her dynamic voice to the FOX News lineup,” Bill Shine, executive vice president of programming, said in a statement.

The network declined to say when Palin will start or how much she is being paid. Also unclear is how the arrangement will work, whether Palin will move to New York or commute from Alaska.

Return to her broadcast roots? Roots? Jumped up jesus on skis, they make her sound like William Fucking Paley! This ditz attended six schools in five years…or five schools in six years (who can keep it straight?) in order to obtain a degree in journalism. She never worked for any of her college papers, never took a shift at any college radio stations. No surprise there, she can’t write or speak a cogent sentence. Is there anything quite so cliche as a beauty pageant participant studying communications?
She then managed to hold down a part-time job as a weekend sports reporter, but QUIT after a few months allegedly due to the low pay. Shades of things to come, eh? Roots, though? Those aren’t roots…those aren’t even sprouts. That’s just water following the path of least resistance – gravity at work.

Sarah is “thrilled” to be joining the broadcast and management team.
Apparently someone needs to explain to her that being a paid yammering lipflap on Fox does not make you part of the management team. Of course, given her “position flexible” notion of what the vice president does, perhaps she expects to sit in on strategy sessions with Rupert.

Fair and balanced? It’s really a beautiful thing the way stunningly myopic, stubbornly ridiculous bullshit just rolls off her tongue. Much like when the investigation into TrooperGate found that she abused her authority as governor, and the first words out of her mouth were, “Well, I’m very very pleased to be cleared of any legal wrongdoing … any hint of any kind of unethical activity there. Very pleased to be cleared of any of that.”
Fair Fox ain’t. Balanced Fox ain’t. Unbalanced, certainly…cue Glenn Beck in tears.

Political commentary and analysis! From a woman who doesn’t know what the vice president does, can’t answer a question about what she reads, and blithers out mangled, plagiarized cut-and-paste wing-nut nonsense almost every time she opens her mouth.
A petty, petulant, ill-informed, untraveled, evolution denying ignoramus whose folksy “Can I call ya Joe?” was a mask crafted to cover the sad fact that she couldn’t remember Biden’s name.
This is a woman whose “Death Panels” bullshit was named The Biggest Lie of 2009.
What does she say? “I’m not backing off that claim.

On what planet does this happen? In what sort of country? What the hell is happening? What the FUCK is wrong with you people?

An anti-science, young earth creationist, barely educated, functionally illiterate, constitutionally vapid, unread, xenophobic, backwater beauty queen is going to provide political commentary AND ANALYSIS!
Imagine! “And now, let’s get Sarah Palin’s opinion.”

Winston Churchill is truly fertile ground for appropriate quotes, but I’ve long admired this one: “Your right to an opinion does not obligate me to take you seriously.”
Apparently, Winnie, you’re wrong. If the opinion – so marketed by and to the lowest common denominator – can move enough ignorant people, Christian fundamentalists, racists, gun nuts and assorted astro-turf cranks of varying stripe to unite and move as a single mindless herd, you goddamn well DO have to take them seriously.

Of course, the truth is always a perfect mirror. Who the fuck am I?

Well, I’m not on Fox News, certain ideological conflicts notwithstanding.
Nor do I have a NYT bestseller that I didn’t write myself and about which everyone remotely associated with the circumstances says is factually full of shit.
Nor am I being paid $50,000 to address a mob of teabaggers in Nashville while pointedly turning my back on the very party that put me in a position to get the $50,000. What do you bet she’s wearing one of those sweet little outfits from her $150,000 shopping spree. Silly girl…those are SO last year.

The question remains: Why is Sarah Palin’s opinion about anything worth paying her to muddle it all up by trying to SAY it?

She was inappropriately whisked to fame in a craven and desperate political ploy that ought to offend everyone. Beyond that, there is no good reason to ask her opinion about anything.
Let me be absolutely clear about this: If I want to know how to field dress a fucking caribou, there’s a long list of people who know a goddamn infinity more about it than Sarah Fucking Palin.
She can teach the course on how to fly 14 hours at full-term after your water broke and your Down’s baby is about to be born.
Oh…and she can also teach the abstinence only sex education program. I’m sure Bristol, through her foundation, would love to help.

What the fuck is going on?
Sarah Palin’s OPINION?
You can’t be serious.

There is something wrong. And someone needs to put a stop to this moronic bullshit.
It’s going to get out of hand and we’ll be lucky to live through it.
And while I’m at it, Fuck You, Sean Hannity.

Bagger 288 – Cool Video

WTF? But interesting.